An Irish priest was transferred to Texas . Father O'Reilly rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the fresh air.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station......
The conversation went like this: 'Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?'
'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Reilly at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads over to take care of the matter?'
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 'Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!'
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Reilly then replied: 'Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.'
Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 right in the doorway. I placed 6 shells beside it, and noticing that it had no legs, set it on my mom's old wheelchair to help it get around.
I then left it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house.
After a a couple of hours, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadn't rolled itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people.
Either the media is wrong, and it's the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world.
Alright, well I'm off to check on my spoons. I hear they're making people fat.