Saturday Morning Funnies #25

Morning Kiddies.  It has been a very crazy week for President Obama, but a thrilling one for us truth seekers.  So without further ado, here we go:

Today the usual group of libtards are planning on their Day of Rage.  Camping out on Wall Street among the winos, the homeless, the kitties...

A simple word of caution, please keep your pants on.  Do it for his sake.

Seen on the streets of Ramallah:

 

The close up:

 

Somethings should never be sold as such.

Some humor for today:

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when De Gaulle decided to pull out of NATO. De Gaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded "Does that include those who are buried here?"

De Gaulle did not respond.

You could have heard a pin drop
===========================================================

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.

We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop.
================================================================

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas
Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.
==========================================================


AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting,an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."

You could have heard a pin drop

 ===================================================================

You know times are bad when you see this;

 I wonder how long it took to train that cat to fix cars?

On Tuesday the General Assembly of the United Nations will cave into Arab demands and proclaim the nation of Palestine (on the land of Israel).

The Tribe Speaks

I'm sure Americans will agree with this:

Amen Bibi!

You know Tort Reform is desperately needed.

 

For all those deploying to Afghanistan:

Stay safe out there!

Have A Good Week!!

Saturday Morning Funnies #24

It is time once again to laugh, to cry, to scratch your head.  It is Saturday Morning and time for Funnies.

The Stock Market has gone wild this week. First down, then up, then down, then up. I wonder if Obama had anything to do with it?

Gremlins caused the stock market to crash! Invest In Canned food and shotguns.

So much for fixing the economy.  Perhaps things are better overseas?

London Riots Need to be Stopped Like this *Great Example*

Now that's the way we like to take out rioters!

Preparing for the next riot.

This weeks Latma!



Riots everywhere in Europe, tents and folk songs in Israel. Did they miss the playbook?

Poor Doggie.  I think he has bit off more than he could chew.

A few laughs from James Shott

Observations

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that..... 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the laundry is building up!"

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

Lemon Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.”

The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.”

The priest thought long and hard and then said, “Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.”

The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?”

The priest said, “No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.”

 This little one is preparing for the next Union riots.  Always keep your piece near by.

Lego Beer Song

Now in every case, a LOLCat.  Pick up a case today!

Have A Great Week!

Saturday Morning Funnies #22

Good Morning Truth Seekers.  It is Saturday Morning and time once again for Humor, Cartoons, and Comics.  Just a bit of Humor to end the week and put a smile on your face.

It is summer vacation.  You know what that means.  Kids playing ball, kids running around like chickens without a head, kids acting like wild Indians (Tame Indians run casinos.).

Alice Cooper-Schools out




Oh the Humidity!

All Of Harry Potter Re-Enacted By Cats in 1 Minute For those of you who hadn't heard or live under a rock or live in a cave, the last Harry Potter movie, "Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows Part 2" opened yesterday.  It broke records.  We can be glad that this is the last movie, although J.K. Rowling has hinted she might write another Potter book.

All Of Harry Potter Re-Enacted By Cats in 1 Minute

SPOILER ALERT!!!

These are the characters that died in the book:

The Grey Lady. Bloody Baron, Mad-Eye Moody, Peter Pettigrew, Dobby, Vincent Crabbe, Fred Weasley, Remus Lupin and his wife Nymphadora, Colin Creevey, Severus Snape, Bellatrix Lestrange, Lord Voldermort (aka Moldy Shorts).  But if you have read the books you already know this.

This was found in Jacque Cousteau's belongings recently:

Calypso by John Denver



I wonder if the ship's cat knew how lucky it was?


 Our weekly Public Service Announcement:

Poor Baby just couldn't lay off the nip, now look at her.

Catnip...bad for kitties.  Just watch Oreo.  Once an nice, sweet kitty, now a NIP fiend.

Don't Do Nip!!!!

A Short Funny from James Shott

A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she said, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Her husband asked, "Is that you, or the wine talking?"
She replied, "It's me ......... talking to the wine."

The latest news from the Tribe.  This week's installment of Latma TV:



Once again no one is safe from their wit.

Now a word from our Sponsor:  Meowtic Repairs.

Meowtic can repair anything, and they don't even have thumbs!

Duct tape is like the force:

It has a light side,
It has a dark side,
And it holds the universe together!

That is it for this morning.

Have a great weekend!

Saturday Morning Funnies #21

Sorry for the long absence, but with moving and with ordering a new computer and monitor I was not able to post the way I did.

But I'm back and return with a new addition of Saturday Morning Funnies.

Good news.  People are finally realizing the truth about Obama's stimulus plan.

We are passing this news on as fast as we can.

The Government First Program: War Video Game



This was created by Diane of Freedom Wings

We don't have a President, we have the Golfer-in-Chief

 

Over 70 rounds of golf and counting.



When trouble rises, Obama is usually found on the nearest Golf Course.

 The latest from the Tribe at Latma TV


The Audacity of Dopes band brings you "Guns, Guns, Guns"



Just a bit of fun.

From Elder of Ziyon

 Coming to a community near you.

Flotilla "peace activists"



After all the majority of the activists useful idiots on this flotilla are aging hippies trying to relive their youth.

This is the administration's policy on Illegal Immigration:

Not so far from the truth.

A repeat of the Latma TV song:  Guns. Guns, Guns

Have a Great Week!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday Morning Funnies #20

Good Morning Everybody!  It is once again time for Humor and Fun on a Saturday Morning.

Finally a break in the Jimmy Hoffa case.

I understand CSI is on the way.

There has been much speculation regarding who dropped the dime on Obama oops Osama bin Ladin.  The mystery is now solved:

Latma salutes Osama Obama.  I keep mixing the two of them up.



Tiger is having an identity crises:

Poor Tiger. All that and the Vet too.

You know you play too much World of Warcraft when you start seeing this:

Should we invite him into the Guild?

Courtesy of James Shott


Your Government at Work

Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership.

Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:

(Actual reply from FHA): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

"Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application.
I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France, in 1803 the year of origin identified in our application.

"For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella.

"The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus's expedition...Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our loan?"

The loan was immediately approved

This is one mystery that can't ever be truly solved:

Please help us find Bill:

If you know where he is call 555-5555.  There is an reward.

This weeks Latma



Tomorrow is Nakba Day. The day in which Arabs perpetuate the lie that Jews Israelis forced them from their lands. The Arabs will march, holding up old keys, shouting, then finally rioting.  Just like every other day.

In Venice Muslims took to the streets in prayer.

I understand over 500 died.  (Photo courtesy of Elder of Ziyon.)

Nakba Day follows Israel's Independence Day by a week.  This year the IAF had a magnificent flyover:

Teh History of Israel aka Narnia



You can find out more about Taglit-Birthright Israel here.

Time has come to say Good-bye. Until next time.

Have A Good Week!!!!

Saturday Morning Funnies: Passover Edition

Passover begins Monday Evening, so to bring your funny bone out of the bondage of Egypt here are some funnies for you.

These squirrels are not stuck in the dryer vent.  In fact they are just happy to dance the day away.



An early start on Passover Humor

From Jib Jab to you for Passover:

A Fishy Story

As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made up of salt-water.

Then, a fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family heard the complaints of the people, but that they through their own gills could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by.

Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, they told Moses they had a demand. They and their descendants had to be always present at the seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a part in the story. When Moses agreed to this, he gave them their name which remains how they are known to this very day, for he said to them, "Go Filter Fish!"

Groaning is definitely allowed.

The Latest from The Tribe:




The Left is proposing to tax the rich out of existence or at least out of the country.

And of Patriots everywhere.

President Obama believes himself to be the Resurrected Embodiment of President Ronald Reagan.

This is President Reagan's response to Obama's promices:



It seems that the TARDIS is showing up every week.

Have a good week!!!

Saturday Morning Funnies #19

It is Saturday and time for the morning entertainment of humor.

This week President Obama announced his intention to seek a second term with this campaign poster and ad:

We need to retire this Tiger Woods wannbe so he can devote more of his time to the one thing he loves so well: His Golf Game

Seen at a local Safari park:

I really know how that giraffe feels. I can't stand those creepy, crawly incests.

This is NOT covered by Obamacare:

Some humor from James Shott:

Catholic Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'

What do they say?' the priest inquired.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed; then he thought for a moment.

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

'Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,

'Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!'

Some people have birds, some have dogs, and others have cats.  Just remember never to do this to your cat:

Poor pussy.

With Passover starting soon, people wonder what would the holiday have been like if Moses was on Facebook?



Works in both ancient and modern times.

I guess President Obama likes playing Don Quixote

The Obama Foreign Policy Anthem:




No matter how many attacks the Arabs commit on Israeli civilians (especially children) the world will condemn only Israel.

This weeks episode of The Tribe:

Have A Great Week!!!

Saturday Morning Funnies #18

Once more it is Saturday, and time for humor and laughter.

First up, seen on the road leading into Wisconsin:

The band is leaving




This explains the full meaning of the Grand Unified Theory via The Force:

This theory works for me.



For Norman:




Holds the Universe together and can lift a car.  Never leave home without it.

Now a public service announcement:

Poor Japan

Japan has been hit by an Earthquake, a Tsunami, a partial meltdown of one of its nuclear  reactors and freezing weather.  The only disaster left to hit them is an attack by Godzilla.

If your cat does this, you know he or she really loves you:

Gives a new meaning to the words:  Cat House.

Why PETA members should be wary of going camping or hiking in the woods:

The latest from The Tribe:



President Obama's Middle East Policy:

Tonight starts the Jewish Holiday of Purim.  A day of Laughter, Costumes and Practical Jokes.

So if you read a strange article and see this sign:

Know that the article is just a Purim joke.

Have a good weekend.