Would Jew Believe This?

A young boy returned home from Hebrew school, washed his hands and sat down to dinner.

His father asked him what he learned that day in school.

The boy replied that the Rabbi told his class the most amazing story of how the Jews were rescued from the Land of Egypt and brought to the Land of Israel.

His father smiled and asked his son to relate the story the Rabbi told them.

"Sure Dad," the boy said.  "Now this story happened a long time ago, before the time of CNN.  Before the time of computers, and cell phones.  Before even TV.  I think it was in the 1920s or so it happened.

"Egypt was ruled by this guy named Pharaoh.  I think it means "Nasty Egyptian". And we Jews were his slaves. We didn't like being slaves and prayed to G-d to set us free. G-d heard our prayers and sent us a miracle.

"G-d  sent the IDF back in time to rescue the Children of Israel (I think they rescued the parents too.).  The Commandos diverted the Egyptian Army while the Children and their parents fled to the Red Sea (It was red because G-d turned the water to blood like in Zombie Killers 3.).  There the IDF built Pontoon bridges across the Red Sea for the people to go across.  When the Egypt Army tried to follow, the IDF blew up the bridges.

"Then this guy named Moshe Dayan (He is the head of the IDF, I think. Rabbi said he was G-d's greatest profits.) lead the Children of Israel (and their parents) to Mount Sinai where Moshe lays down the law, destroys the Golden Calf and leads them to Israel.

"But it took them 40 years because nobody had a GPS and Moshe would not ask for directions."

His father had a look upon his face that was a cross between total astonishment and WTF.  "Is this what the Rabbi taught you?"

"No Dad,"  the boy said.  "But you wouldn't believe the crazy story he did tell."

***********************************************************************

Actually I'm not sure that is not the correct story.  It could be giving that a certain Time Lord, his TARDIS and a few units of the IDF could have pulled it off.

Passover Rhapsody - A Jewish Rock Opera


Click here if the video fails to load.

But perhaps G-d did it this way:

From Chabad

After many decades of slavery to the Egyptian pharaohs, during which time the Israelites were subjected to backbreaking labor and unbearable horrors, G‑d saw the people's distress and sent Moses to Pharaoh with a message: "Send forth My people, so that they may serve Me." But despite numerous warnings, Pharaoh refused to heed G‑d's command. G‑d then sent upon Egypt ten devastating plagues, afflicting them and destroying everything from their livestock to their crops.

At the stroke of midnight of 15 Nissan in the year 2448 from creation (1313 BCE), G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the Children of Israel, "passing over" their homes-hence the name of the holiday. Pharaoh's resistance was broken, and he virtually chased his former slaves out of the land. The Israelites left in such a hurry, in fact, that the bread they baked as provisions for the way did not have time to rise. Six hundred thousand adult males, plus many more women and children, left Egypt on that day, and began the trek to Mount Sinai and their birth as G‑d's chosen people.

*********************************************************************

Or maybe not.  Any way that G-d performed the miracle of the Passover was the correct story. 

Would Jew Believe This? The Story Of Passover.

For my regular readers:

I have been in the hospital for the last 5 days, missed the first Seder night, and haven't been able to post in all that time.  So I'm posting these old posts for the holiday of Passover.

*************************************************************************

A young boy returned home from Hebrew school, washed his hands and sat down to dinner.

His father asked him what he learned that day in school.

The boy replied that the Rabbi told his class the most amazing story of how the Jews were rescued from the Land of Egypt and brought to the Land of Israel.

His father smiled and asked his son to relate the story the Rabbi told them.

"Sure Dad," the boy said.  "Now this story happened a long time ago, before the time of CNN.  Before the time of computers, and cell phones.  Before even TV.  I think it was in the 1920s or so it happened.

"Egypt was ruled by this guy named Pharaoh.  I think it means "Nasty Egyptian". And we Jews were his slaves. We didn't like being slaves and prayed to G-d to set us free. G-d heard our prayers and sent us a miracle.

"G-d  sent the IDF back in time to rescue the Children of Israel (I think they rescued the parents too.).  The Commandos diverted the Egyptian Army while the Children and their parents fled to the Red Sea (It was red because G-d turned the water to blood like in Zombie Killers 3.).  There the IDF built Pontoon bridges across the Red Sea for the people to go across.  When the Egypt Army tried to follow, the IDF blew up the bridges.

"Then this guy named Moshe Dayan (He is the head of the IDF, I think. Rabbi said he was G-d's greatest profits.) lead the Children of Israel (and their parents) to Mount Sinai where Moshe lays down the law, destroys the Golden Calf and leads them to Israel.

"But it took them 40 years because nobody had a GPS and Moshe would not ask for directions."

His father had a look upon his face that was a cross between total astonishment and WTF.  "Is this what the Rabbi taught you?"

"No Dad,"  the boy said.  "But you wouldn't believe the crazy story he did tell."

***********************************************************************

Actually I'm not sure that is not the correct story.  It could be giving that a certain Time Lord, his TARDIS and a few units of the IDF could have pulled it off.

But perhaps G-d did it this way:

From Chabad

After many decades of slavery to the Egyptian pharaohs, during which time the Israelites were subjected to backbreaking labor and unbearable horrors, G‑d saw the people's distress and sent Moses to Pharaoh with a message: "Send forth My people, so that they may serve Me." But despite numerous warnings, Pharaoh refused to heed G‑d's command. G‑d then sent upon Egypt ten devastating plagues, afflicting them and destroying everything from their livestock to their crops.

At the stroke of midnight of 15 Nissan in the year 2448 from creation (1313 BCE), G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the Children of Israel, "passing over" their homes-hence the name of the holiday. Pharaoh's resistance was broken, and he virtually chased his former slaves out of the land. The Israelites left in such a hurry, in fact, that the bread they baked as provisions for the way did not have time to rise. Six hundred thousand adult males, plus many more women and children, left Egypt on that day, and began the trek to Mount Sinai and their birth as G‑d's chosen people.

*********************************************************************

Or maybe not.  Any way that G-d performed the miracle of the Passover was the correct story. 

Let My Muslic Go!

The Jewish a capella group The Maccabeats released a Les Miserables tribute for the Passover holiday. At just over five minutes long, the music video features stage props, faux-Egyptian costumes, fake blood and a stuffed frog.

The clip rides the coattails of the recent “Les Miserables” film, based on the musical written by Claude-Michel Schonberg, and tells the biblical story of Exodus through the tunes of the successful Broadway hit.

Les Misérables - The Passover Edition


Click here if the video doesn't load.

Passover starts on Monday night. Enjoy your bread while you can.

From Latma For Passover

An Israeli Soldier's song to the world for Passover 


Click here if video fails to load.

Latma brings you a word from proud Israeli soldiers and wishes a Happy and Kosher Passover to our wonderful soldiers, and to the entire Jewish people and our friends in Israel and throughout the world.

Passover Miracles Today

The miraculous sweep of Jewish destiny, from ancient Egypt to nuclear Iran, set to the music of Yaakov Shwekey.

By Chief Rabbi Warren Goldstein Chief Rabbi of South Africa

The miraculous sweep of Jewish destiny from the Exodus to nuclear Iran -- and what it means today.

Have A Happy Passover!

Days Of Matzah?

Not again.  Do we have to go all through that again?  Once again it is the 15th of Nissan (oops wrong link) and for the next 8 days we Jews will be eating no Leavened foods.  8 days of a dry cracker known as Matzah.  But why do we do this?

From Chabad

What Is Passover?

The eight-day festival of Passover is celebrated in the early spring, from the 15th through the 22nd of the Hebrew month of Nissan. It commemorates the emancipation of the Israelites from slavery in ancient Egypt. And, by following the rituals of Passover, we have the ability to relive and experience the true freedom that our ancestors gained.

The Story in a Nutshell

After many decades of slavery to the Egyptian pharaohs, during which time the Israelites were subjected to backbreaking labor and unbearable horrors, G‑d saw the people’s distress and sent Moses to Pharaoh with a message: “Send forth My people, so that they may serve Me.” But despite numerous warnings, Pharaoh refused to heed G‑d’s command. G‑d then sent upon Egypt ten devastating plagues, afflicting them and destroying everything from their livestock to their crops.

At the stroke of midnight of 15 Nissan in the year 2448 from creation (1313 BCE), G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the Children of Israel, “passing over” their homes—hence the name of the holiday. Pharaoh’s resistance was broken, and he virtually chased his former slaves out of the land. The Israelites left in such a hurry, in fact, that the bread they baked as provisions for the way did not have time to rise. Six hundred thousand adult males, plus many more women and children, left Egypt on that day, and began the trek to Mount Sinai and their birth as G‑d’s chosen people.


Passover Observances

Passover is divided into two parts:

The first two days and last two days (the latter commemorating the splitting of the Red Sea) are full-fledged holidays. Holiday candles are lit at night, and kiddush and sumptuous holiday meals are enjoyed on both nights and days. We don’t go to work, drive, write or switch on or off electric devices. We are permitted to cook and to carry outdoors (click here for the details).

The middle four days are called chol hamoed, semi-festive “intermediate days,” when most forms of work are permitted.

NO CHAMETZ

To commemorate the unleavened bread that the Israelites ate when they left Egypt, we don’t eat—or even retain in our possession—any chametz from midday of the day before Passover until the conclusion of the holiday. Chametz means leavened grain—any food or drink that contains even a trace of wheat, barley, rye, oats, spelt or their derivatives, and which wasn’t guarded from leavening or fermentation. This includes bread, cake, cookies, cereal, pasta and most alcoholic beverages. Moreover, almost any processed food or drink can be assumed to be chametz unless certified otherwise.

Ridding our homes of chametz is an intensive process. It involves a full-out spring-cleaning search-and-destroy mission during the weeks before Passover, and culminates with a ceremonial search for chametz on the night before Passover, and then a burning of the chametz ceremony on the morning before the holiday. Chametz that cannot be disposed of can be sold to a non-Jew for the duration of the holiday.

MATZAH

Instead of chametz, we eat matzah—flat unleavened bread. It is a mitzvah to partake of matzah on the two Seder nights (see below for more on this), and during the rest of the holiday it is optional.

THE SEDERS

The highlight of Passover is the Seder, observed on each of the first two nights of the holiday. The Seder is a fifteen-step family-oriented tradition and ritual-packed feast.

The focal points of the Seder are:

• Eating matzah.
• Eating bitter herbs—to commemorate the bitter slavery endured by the Israelites.
• Drinking four cups of wine or grape juice—a royal drink to celebrate our newfound freedom.
• The recitation of the Haggadah, a liturgy that describes in detail the story of the Exodus from Egypt. The Haggadah is the fulfillment of the biblical obligation to recount to our children the story of the Exodus on the night of Passover.

Passover is one of the Jewish Holidays that we have fond memories of.  I think it is the food, the family, the fact that we as children get to drink 4 cups of wine (OK they were 1 very small cup of wine and 3 cups of grape juice.).  And a bit of joy in it too.


Happy Passover Bro!

Moses Led Muslims out of Egypt

Is the proclamation of Dr. Omar Ja’ara of Al-Najah University in Nablus.  The Arabs not content with teaching American University students lies about Israel, they are now stealing the Bible and Jewish history.  I can see the so-called Mainstream Churches (Methodist, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Lutherians, etc...) now teaching this new doctrine as Gospel truth.  Why not?  They already teach the Koran as if it is the next New Testament.

Dr. Omar Ja’ara, lecturer at Al-Najah University in Nablus specializing in Israeli affairs, said on Fatah television on February 15 that Moses led the Muslims out of Egypt and that the Exodus was the first instance of ‘Palestinian’ liberation through armed struggle, reported the Palestinian Media Watch.



“We must make clear to the world that David in the Hebrew Bible is not connected to David in the Quran,” he said. “Solomon in the Hebrew Bible is not connected to the Solomon in the Quran and neither is Saul or Joshua son of Nun.

“We have a great leader, Saul, who defeated the nation of the giants and killed Goliath. This is a Muslim victory.

“The Muslims of the Children on Israel went out of Egypt under the leadership of Moses and unfortunately, many researchers deny the Exodus of these oppressed people who were liberated by a great leader like Moses the Muslim, the believing leader, the great Muslim, who was succeeded by Saul, the leader of these Muslims in liberating Palestine,” Ja’ara claimed.

“This was the first Palestinian liberation through armed struggle to liberate Palestine from the nation of giants led by Goliath,” he added. “This is our logic and this is our culture.“

Source

Muhammad the Pedophile was born in 570 CE and died 632 CE.  The events of the Exodus occurred in 1450 BCE.  Over 2000 years BEFORE Muhammad was born.  In fact everyone has the story wrong.  The true story of the Exodus Out Of Egypt is this:

A young boy returned home from Hebrew school, washed his hands and sat down to dinner.

His father asked him what he learned that day in school.

The boy replied that the Rabbi told his class the most amazing story of how the Jews were rescued from the Land of Egypt and brought to the Land of Israel.

His father smiled and asked his son to relate the story the Rabbi told them.

"Sure Dad," the boy said. "Now this story happened a long time ago, before the time of CNN. Before the time of computers, and cell phones. Before even TV. I think it was in the 1920s or so it happened.

"Egypt was ruled by this guy named Pharaoh. I think it means "Nasty Egyptian". And we Jews were his slaves. We didn't like being slaves and prayed to G-d to set us free. G-d heard our prayers and sent us a miracle.

"G-d sent the IDF back in time to rescue the Children of Israel (I think they rescued the parents too.). The Commandos diverted the Egyptian Army while the Children and their parents fled to the Red Sea (It was red because G-d turned the water to blood like in Zombie Killers 3.). There the IDF built Pontoon bridges across the Red Sea for the people to go across. When the Egypt Army tried to follow, the IDF blew up the bridges.

"Then this guy named Moshe Dayan (He is the head of the IDF, I think. Rabbi said he was G-d's greatest profits.) lead the Children of Israel (and their parents) to Mount Sinai where Moshe lays down the law, destroys the Golden Calf and leads them to Israel.

"But it took them 40 years because nobody had a GPS and Moshe would not ask for directions."

His father had a look upon his face that was a cross between total astonishment and WTF. "Is this what the Rabbi taught you?"

"No Dad," the boy said. "But you wouldn't believe the crazy story he did tell."

Source

The Miracle of the Exodus cannot be denied.  G-d rescued the People of Israel, not the Muslims (who did not exist), not the Canaanites, Moabites, or the Egyptians.  It was to Moses, the leader of the Hebrews, that G-d gave the Ten Commandments and Torah to.  If G-d had given the Torah to Muhammad, where is it?  Why is the Islamic faith so hateful, so violent?

The Passover narrative is a Jewish one.  Moses, with the help of G-d, brought the Children of Israel (and their parents) out of bondage in Egypt and into freedom in the Land of Israel.

IDF Cancelling All Passover Leaves

Some thing's up.  Chief of Staff Benny Gantz has done something that hasn't been done in many years.  He has cancelled ALL leaves for Passover.

Chief of Staff Benny Gantz has ordered all IDF units to cancel their traditional Passover breaks so that they can operate in full capacity over the upcoming holiday, Yedioth Ahronoth reported Wednesday.

The implication of the decision is that for the first time in many years, all IDF units will maintain their regular operations and remain on full alert throughout the holiday.

As result of the unexpected decision, thousands of soldiers at various IDF headquarters and bases will have to report for duty as usual in order to allow their units to operate with no interruption.

IDF officials dismissed suggestions that the decision is related to operational circumstances or preparations for military maneuvers. The army said Chief of Staff Gantz made the call after asserting that he does not accept the notion of an army-wide Passover vacation.

However, IDF soldiers who received the news Tuesday could not be convinced that the timing of the decision was arbitrary.

Notably, German Defense Minister Thomas de Maiziere on Tuesday said that after meeting Israeli counterpart Ehud Barak, he was more concerned about the possibility of an Israeli strike on Iran.

Over the years, an army-wide break during Passover became a tradition followed by all major military units, including the Air Force, Navy and intelligence corps. The IDF's headquarters in Tel Aviv is also traditionally deserted during the holiday.

But as noted, the longtime tradition will be broken this year, as soldiers will have to divide their vacation days among themselves in order to ensure that their units maintain their full capacity to operate if needed.

Source

Every military man will tell you that if you want rumors to run rampant you cancel all leaves.  I could speculate for hours on this but I won't.  I'll let you, my truth seekers to put 2+2 together.  I hope it equals 4.

Passover Rhapsody

Passover begins soon and this should start getting you into the mood of this holiday.  Produce by Aish.com, and set to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, it is the Exodus story like you have never seen before.

I hope you enjoy watching it.


Passover Rhapsody - A Jewish Rock Opera



Written by Aish.com
Produced by Aish.com & AishConnections.com
Directed by Shoot East http://shooteast.com
Vocals by Mitch Clyman and Chanan Elias

Puppets Created by Ester Kogan-Pekar
Puppeteering by Izaak Pekar
Assistant Puppeteering by Nadia Tichonova

Camera by Yirmiyahu Vann
Assistant Cameraman: Aaron Rotenberg

Production Design by Eli Kaplan-Wildmann
Assistant Set Designer: Zoe Jurkowski
Additional Design Assistance: Sarah Gutmann, Jenny Morris, Maia Hoberman
Additional Construction and Assistance: Ariel Smith and Tehilla Zeff

Production Manager: Renana Levine

Special Thanks to
Kosher Delight
Josh Landes
Midreshet Emunah V'Omanut
and Queen

The Water Turns To Blood

Stolen From The Elder of Ziyon

For those people looking to signs from Heaven pointing to an upcoming Apocalypse, this might point the way.

Beirut River Mysteriously Runs Blood Red

BEIRUT: The Beirut River mysteriously turned blood red Wednesday after a stream of unidentified red liquid began pouring from the southern bank of the river in Furn al-Shubbak. The source of the liquid had yet to be determined Wednesday evening, as the river continued to empty the red-colored water into the Mediterranean Sea.

Government and local officials rushed to the scene at the Chevrolet crossing of Furn al-Shubbak Wednesday morning in an attempt to locate the sewage canal that was dumping the red-colored water but they were unable to locate the source. Accusations were traded among officials from the municipalities of Hadath, Hazmieh, Sin al-Fil, Furn al-Shubbak and Shiyah.

Eyewitnesses working in the area told The Daily Star this was not the first time the river had turned a different color. Several business owners around the Chevrolet crossing said that colored water pours into the river roughly every two months but no one pays attention to it.It was the quantity and brightness of the red liquid that grabbed the attention of many passersby and commuters on different bridges in the city Wednesday.

Environment Minister Nazem Khoury said the source of the water was likely from Hazmieh or Baabda.

“I call on the municipalities of Hazmieh and Baabda to cooperate swiftly to find the source of the pollution and its type,” Khoury said in a statement.

Earlier in the day, Khoury sent an environmental team to the area to examine the water. The team, headed by ministry official Bassam Sabbagh, took a sample of the water to determine its composition and whether it contained dangerous pollutants.

The samples will be examined Thursday because state laboratories were already closed by the time the sample was taken. “The sample we took will be examined tomorrow [Thursday] morning ... and we will know whether it is blood being mixed with water or if it is some sort of a color dumped in it,” said Sabbagh.

A similar incident took place in the Chinese Jian River last December after a factory illegally dumped red dye into the river, which is located in the northern Chinese province of Henan.

Some cities use non-toxic dyes to color rivers on special occasions. In Chicago, the river is dyed green every year in the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day.

According to Sabbagh, test results will help the ministry determine whether the substance is a chemical pollutant or blood from a nearby slaughterhouse.

“First we thought it was blood, but it seems like it is a kind of coloring dumped by a factory,” said Sabbagh, who also said that the test to determine the type of the chemical would take a week.

Sabbagh said the municipality and other ministries should help the Environment Ministry in its investigation. “We need the help of the local officials to have a clear idea of the sewage network in the region,” he said.

According to Sabbagh, who heads the ministry’s Environmental Pollution Control Office, maps of the sewage network would help officials locate the source of the red-colored water.

“After finding the source, it would be a matter of hours to get to the factory and the area where the [colored] water is originating,” said Sabbagh adding that swift action would be taken against those responsible for it.

Saad Elias, an adviser to the environment minister, did not rule out the possibility that a slaughterhouse could be behind the red color.

“After going through several phases of butchering at the slaughterhouses, they store huge amounts of blood and animal parts in containers ... they might have dumped them into a sewage canal,” said Elias.

“The ministry will definitely investigate this matter because our role is to prevent pollution,” he added.

Meanwhile, local officials in the area suggested that a paint factory could be responsible for the incident. “There are several paint factories in Hadath,” said an official from the Shiyah municipality.

As officials tried to determine the source and the nature of the substance in the river, the Beirut prosecutor assigned the Internal Security Forces to launch an investigation into the matter.

Source

The Lebanese should prepare for the next 2 plagues:  Frogs and Lice.  And they should discover fast what the Jews want from them.  And then give it to them.

Da'ye'nu

H/T The Ettinger Report

A Passover Hymn For Modern Times.

Passover Hymn, Da'ye'nu: "How many degree of beneficence hath the Almighty conferred upon us?! If He had brought us forth from Egypt, and had not executed judgment upon the Egyptians, it would have sufficed (Da'ye'nu)… If He had inflicted justice upon them…, it would have sufficed (Da'ye'nu')…"

If Israel were merely the most effective battle-tested laboratory available to the USA, the source for over 600 modifications of the F-16, and thousands of cutting-edge modifications in hundreds additional US military systems, enhancing US national security, while providing the US defense industries a unique mega-billion dollars competitive edge in the global market, expanding US employment, research & development and export infrastructures - Da’ye’nu (it would have sufficed to crown Israel as a unique two-way-street ally of the USA);


If Israel were merely the source of breakthrough battle tactics, which were the first to penetrate/jam/destroy the most sophisticated Soviet/Russian surface-to-air missile batteries and radar systems, in addition to transferring to the US the first Soviet MIG-21 and 23 and other Soviet military systems, which tilted global balance of power in favor of the USA, providing the US defense industries with mega-billion dollars bonanza - Da’ye’nu;


If Israel were merely the source of intelligence – shared with the USA - which exceeds the scope of intelligence received by the US from all NATO countries combined (according to Senator Daniel Inouye, former Chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee and current Chairman of the full Appropriations Committee) and is equal to five CIAs (according to retired General George Keegan, former Chief of US Air Force Intelligence) - Da’ye’nu;


If Israel were merely the country which destroyed Iraq’s nuclear reactor in 1981 (in defiance of global opposition), thus providing the USA a conventional option in the 1991 Gulf War, sparing the US a potential traumatic nuclear confrontation - Da’ye’nu;


If Israel were merely a source of battle-proven experience and military systems – combating IEDs, car bombs, suicide bombers and generic terrorism – shared with US Special Operations units, which battle Islamic terrorists in Iraq and Afghanistan, thus minimizing US losses - Da’ye’nu;


If – as stated by the late General Alexander Haig, former Supreme Commander of NATO and former Secretary of State -Israel were merely the largest American aircraft carrier which does not require a single American personnel, which cannot be sunk, which is the most battle-tested and cost-effective, and located in a region, which is critical to vital US economic and national security interests - Da’ye’nu;


If there would not be an Israel in the eastern flank of the Mediterranean, and the US would have to deploy to the region real aircraft carriers with tens of thousands of American servicemen, costing the US taxpayers $20BN annually and possibly dragging the US into local and regional conflicts – all of which has been spared by the existence and capabilities of the Jewish State - Da’ye’nu;


If there would not be havoc in Arab lands, highlighting the Jewish State as the only stable, reliable, credible, capable, predictable, democratic and non-conditional ally of the USA – Da’ye’nu;


If Israel were not the place where- according to Warren Buffett – hundreds of major American companies and investors shop for innovative ideas, which they transform into technologies, products and manufacturing lines, benefitting both American and Israeli employment, trade, research & development and exports – Da’ye’nu;


If Israel were not the source of hundreds of revolutionary medical device, healthcare, telecommunications, Internet, laptops, cellular and social networking technologies/products.- enhancing quality of life in the US and throughout the globe – Da’ye’nu;


If US-Israel covenant were not uniquely based on shared values (dating back to the Pilgrims and the US Founding Fathers), joint interests and mutual threats – Da’ye’nu (It would have sufficed to crown Israel as a unique two-way-street ally of the USA).

Happy Passover!

Dayenu

Would Jew Believe This?

A young boy returned home from Hebrew school, washed his hands and sat down to dinner.

His father asked him what he learned that day in school.

The boy replied that the Rabbi told his class the most amazing story of how the Jews were rescued from the Land of Egypt and brought to the Land of Israel.

His father smiled and asked his son to relate the story the Rabbi told them.

"Sure Dad," the boy said.  "Now this story happened a long time ago, before the time of CNN.  Before the time of computers, and cell phones.  Before even TV.  I think it was in the 1920s or so it happened.

"Egypt was ruled by this guy named Pharaoh.  I think it means "Nasty Egyptian". And we Jews were his slaves. We didn't like being slaves and prayed to G-d to set us free. G-d heard our prayers and sent us a miracle.

"G-d  sent the IDF back in time to rescue the Children of Israel (I think they rescued the parents too.).  The Commandos diverted the Egyptian Army while the Children and their parents fled to the Red Sea (It was red because G-d turned the water to blood like in Zombie Killers 3.).  There the IDF built Pontoon bridges across the Red Sea for the people to go across.  When the Egypt Army tried to follow, the IDF blew up the bridges.

"Then this guy named Moshe Dayan (He is the head of the IDF, I think. Rabbi said he was G-d's greatest profits.) lead the Children of Israel (and their parents) to Mount Sinai where Moshe lays down the law, destroys the Golden Calf and leads them to Israel.

"But it took them 40 years because nobody had a GPS and Moshe would not ask for directions."

His father had a look upon his face that was a cross between total astonishment and WTF.  "Is this what the Rabbi taught you?"

"No Dad,"  the boy said.  "But you wouldn't believe the crazy story he did tell."

Here is that crazy story:

From Chabad

After many decades of slavery to the Egyptian pharaohs, during which time the Israelites were subjected to backbreaking labor and unbearable horrors, G‑d saw the people's distress and sent Moses to Pharaoh with a message: "Send forth My people, so that they may serve Me." But despite numerous warnings, Pharaoh refused to heed G‑d's command. G‑d then sent upon Egypt ten devastating plagues, afflicting them and destroying everything from their livestock to their crops.

At the stroke of midnight of 15 Nissan in the year 2448 from creation (1313 BCE), G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the Children of Israel, "passing over" their homes-hence the name of the holiday. Pharaoh's resistance was broken, and he virtually chased his former slaves out of the land. The Israelites left in such a hurry, in fact, that the bread they baked as provisions for the way did not have time to rise. Six hundred thousand adult males, plus many more women and children, left Egypt on that day, and began the trek to Mount Sinai and their birth as G‑d's chosen people.

 

This video tells the story very well too:

Happy Passover!

Saturday Morning Funnies: Passover Edition

Passover begins Monday Evening, so to bring your funny bone out of the bondage of Egypt here are some funnies for you.

These squirrels are not stuck in the dryer vent.  In fact they are just happy to dance the day away.



An early start on Passover Humor

From Jib Jab to you for Passover:

A Fishy Story

As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made up of salt-water.

Then, a fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family heard the complaints of the people, but that they through their own gills could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by.

Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, they told Moses they had a demand. They and their descendants had to be always present at the seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a part in the story. When Moses agreed to this, he gave them their name which remains how they are known to this very day, for he said to them, "Go Filter Fish!"

Groaning is definitely allowed.

The Latest from The Tribe:




The Left is proposing to tax the rich out of existence or at least out of the country.

And of Patriots everywhere.

President Obama believes himself to be the Resurrected Embodiment of President Ronald Reagan.

This is President Reagan's response to Obama's promices:



It seems that the TARDIS is showing up every week.

Have a good week!!!

HAPPY PASSOVER!

May blessings be bestowed upon you and your household through out the coming week!

A Must See!  The Story of Passover in7 Minutes. (Hat Tip to Yid With Lid).


And finally, the it is said that the army of Pharaoh drowned in the Red Sea in an attempt to follow and re-enslave the Children of Israel.  That is only partially true. A recently discovered file shows the actual facts of the event.



Even then the Egyptians would lie about their failures.

Let My Gefilte Fish Go!

There is a looming crises hanging over Israeli-American relations these days.  It is not the seemingly anti-Israeli, anti-Semitic rhetoric and advisers that President Obama likes around him.  No, it is the upcoming shortage of gefilte fish that is looming over Israel.

For those who do not know, gefilte fish is served during the Passover sedar, being one of the few foods brought out of Egypt by Moses and Company.  Although women have been commanded to clean and process the fish (Book of Grossingers, 43:1-22), today's modern woman just goes to the store and purchases a few jars instead (The process for making Gefilte Fish takes days to complete.).  Thus when the shipment of prepared Gefilte Fish was stopped in its containers, Israeli women began to panic:

Add gefilte fish to the list of priorities championed by the US State Department.

Several weeks before Pessah, US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said she would work to resolve a trade dispute preventing a huge shipment of gefilte fish bound for Israel that is stuck at a processing facility in Illinois.

“Passover is coming,” said Illinois Rep. Don Manzullo, a Republican, who asked Clinton to intervene on behalf of a gefilte fish factory in his district, Thomson, Illinois’ Schafer Fishery.

During a hearing of the House Foreign Affairs Committee on Thursday, he said Israel had imposed a 120-percent tax on nine containers of Asian carp that had been made into gefilte fish patties.

“If there’s anything you can do to get the gefilte fish to Passover...,” he said.

The first Seder is March 29.

Drawing laughs, Clinton said she was up to a job that “sounds to me like one of those issues that should rise to the highest levels of our government.”

“If not, we’re going to have to figure out what to do with nine containers of it,” she said, prompting Rep. Howard Berman, chairman of the House committee, to quip that perhaps the fish would end up at the next state dinner.

Fresh and processed foods are subject to tariffs under the trade agreement between the US and Israel.

“Carp is not exempt from customs in the framework of the free trade agreement between Israel and the United States,” said Jonathan Peled, a spokesman for the Israeli Embassy in Washington. “Having said that, we are obviously looking into the request by Congressman Manzullo and are trying to see whether something can be done.”

Peled said two containers of gefilte had already arrived at the port in Haifa.

“I don’t think there’s a lack of gefilte fish either in Israel or in the United States regarding Pessah,” Peled said. Nonetheless, he said, “we’re seriously looking at this request by a member of Congress.”

On Thursday, Manzullo adopted a serious tone, saying he was concerned about several hundred jobs at the fishery in his district.

“Congressman, I will take that mission on,” Clinton said.

Now just  in case Sec. Clinton cannot release the Gefilte Fish in time, you will find an easy recipe here.  Granted it is not as good as my Grandmother's, but it will do in a pinch.

Happy Purim!

Why is this night different from all other nights?

This question will be the first one asked in each Jewish home tonight at the start of the Passover Seder. At the Seder meal, Jews around the world retell the story of our Exodus from bondage in Egypt.

From Judaism 101:

Passover or Pesach begins on the 15th day of the Jewish month of Nissan. It is the first of the three major festivals with both historical and agricultural significance (the other two are Shavu'ot and Sukkot). Agriculturally, it represents the beginning of the harvest season in Israel, but little attention is paid to this aspect of the holiday. The primary observances of Pesach are related to the Exodus from Egypt after generations of slavery. This story is told in Exodus, Ch. 1-15. Many of the Pesach observances are instituted in Chs. 12-15.

Probably the most significant observance related to Pesach involves the removal of chametz (leaven; sounds like "hum it's" with that Scottish "ch") from our homes. This commemorates the fact that the Jews leaving Egypt were in a hurry, and did not have time to let their bread rise. It is also a symbolic way of removing the "puffiness" (arrogance, pride) from our souls.

We may not eat chametz during Pesach; we may not even own it or derive benefit from it. We may not even feed it to our pets or cattle. All chametz, including utensils used to cook chametz, must either be disposed of or sold to a non-Jew (they can be repurchased after the holiday). Pets' diets must be changed for the holiday, or the pets must be sold to a non-Jew (like the food and utensils, the pets can be repurchased after the holiday ends).

The process of cleaning the home of all chametz in preparation for Pesach is an enormous task. To do it right, you must prepare for several weeks and spend several days scrubbing everything down, going over the edges of your stove and fridge with a toothpick and a Q-Tip, covering all surfaces that come in contact with food with foil or shelf-liner, etc., etc., etc. After the cleaning is completed, the morning before the seder, a formal search of the house for chametz is undertaken, and any remaining chametz is burned.

Needless to say, Every Jewish family goes a bit crazy trying to clean their homes. I like to call it: Spring Cleaning on Steroids!

Now imagine the days of Passover when all you can eat is a dry cracker instead of bread. And imagine Passover occuring weeks before or after Easter, and you still have to attend school. I still have memories of going to school during those days, opening my lunchbox, and pulling out a piece of matzah. Never mind that my mother also sent along Tupperware containers (G-d help you if you lost them) filled with Gefilte Fish, fruit, a hard boiled egg, and Cream Cheese (to put on the matzah). I was stuck with this dry cracker which after a few days I didn't want to see ever again. And worse of all, my non-Jewish friends were eating real sandwiches. Made with real bread. They had Twinkies, and Yo-Yo's. Cupcakes and Devil Dogs. All the foods that were forbidden to me. I knew what Adam must have felt like in the Garden of Eden when G-d Commanded him not to eat of a certain tree. I tried to do a swap, like kids always try to do with their lunches. Just my luck, no takers. So I sat and quietly ate lunch while envying my friends.

Did I grow spiritually? Perhaps a bit. I did get a greater understanding of how different I was.

Today with the liberal attitude in our schools could this happen again? No. For the Jewish children would been segregated to a different part of the lunch room, where they wouldn't be subjected to the sight of leavened bread. Now that's a pity. For we learn valuable lessons when confronted with problems and awkward situations.

This week is the holy week for both Jews and Christians. It is the week of Passover for Jews, and Holy Week (culminating in Easter) for Christians. It is a time of remembering what the Lord has done for us. For releasing us from the bondage of Egypt, into the freedom of Israel.

Passover is not about matzah, it is about freedom both physical and spiritual.

Oh yes, I have finally made peace with matzah. It now takes me 6 days before I start looking at it in horror.

The Hand of G-d?

I am always amazed at the wonders of nature and the Universe around us. All the more now at this time of year with this amazing picture:

Blue: Energy emanating from the nebula around the dying star PSR B1509-58.
Red: A neighboring gas cloud called RCW 89.

Science gives us this explanation:

Tiny and dying but still-powerful stars called pulsars spin like crazy and light up their surroundings, often with ghostly glows.

So it is with PSR B1509-58, which long ago collapsed into a sphere just 12 miles in diameter after running out of fuel.

And what a strange scene this one has created.

In a new image from NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, high-energy X-rays emanating from the nebula around PSR B1509-58 have been colored blue to reveal a structure resembling a hand reaching for some eternal red cosmic light.

The star now spins around at the dizzying pace of seven times every second — as pulsars do — spewing energy into space that creates the scene.

Strong magnetic fields, 15 trillion times stronger than the Earth's magnetic field, are thought to be involved, too. The combination drives an energetic wind of electrons and ions away from the dying star. As the electrons move through the magnetized nebula, they radiate away their energy as X-rays.

The red light actually a neighboring gas cloud, RCW 89, energized into glowing by the fingers of the PSR B1509-58 nebula, astronomers believe.

The scene, which spans 150 light-years, is about 17,000 light years away, so what we see now is how it actually looked 17,000 years ago, and that light is just arriving here.

A light-year is the distance light travels in a year, about 6 trillion miles (10 trillion kilometers).

When I first saw this picture, I wasn't reminded of what science would disclose about this Nebula, but what is upcoming in the Passover Sedar to be held this week:

“We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt, and the L-rd, our G-d, took us out from there with a strong hand and with an outstretched arm".

At a time when more and more nations of the world are turning away from Israel and turning towards her enemies, it is a good time to remind the leaders of the world what happens to nations that try to destroy G-d's people.

Egypt was smitten with 10 plagues by G-d to convince Pharaoh to "Let my people go." How many plagues and of what form will G-d's anger take next time?