Humor Egyptian Style

A female hostess and "producer"  get physically attacked, furniture gets overturned, actors say "I hate the Jews to death," and a great laugh is had by all as the program proudly shows off what they call Egyptian "patriotism."





Here is the transcript:

Interviewer Iman Mubarak: We have a phone call… Hello…

Voice: Mr. Tuhami, we love and respect you. We love your works and enjoy your movies, but I cannot believe what I am seeing. We used to love you, but when we see you on such a TV channel – a dubious Israeli TV channel… Shame on you!

Iman Mubarak: The call has been cut off. You may call again…

Dear viewers, let’s take a short break, before we resume our show, “With the Other,” from Cairo.

[Turning to Ayman Kandeel] What?

Ayman Kandeel “Tuhami”: Was that sister Palestinian, Egyptian, or what?

Iman Mubarak: I can’t tell her nationality, but the call was cut off.

Ayman Kandeel: I heard her say that this is an Israeli channel. Is this an Israeli channel?

Iman Mubarak: The production didn’t tell you that this is an Israeli channel?

Ayman Kandeel: No.

[…]

Production member Amr ‘Alaa enters

Amr ‘Alaa: What is the problem?

Ayman Kandeel: May I ask who you are?

Amr ‘Alaa: I am an Israeli. You are talking about weapons… You are a comedian. You ought to be talking about comedy, not about weapons.

Ayman Kandeel: Fine, fine.

Amr ‘Alaa: Am I standing here, pointing a gun at your face?

Ayman Kandeel: No, you didn’t point a gun at me, and you can’t. You are trying to provoke me, but I am calm.

Amr ‘Alaa: I’m trying to make peace, so how can you say that I’m provoking you?

Ayman Kandeel: Peace was decided on by the governments, but we, the people, have different criteria. You are feeling so mad that you…

Amr ‘Alaa: That’s because I understand that you do not want to reach a solution…

Ayman Kandeel: Man, nobody can provoke me.

Amr ‘Alaa: I don’t want to provoke you. I want to reach a solution with you.

Ayman Kandeel: The solution, my dear boy, is that you go to the doctor to get treatment…

Iman Mubarak: What does that mean?

Ayman Kandeel: It means that you are all sick. It’s better that we talk about it on the air.

Amr ‘Alaa: We are off the air now.

Ayman Kandeel: No, I’d like to talk on the air.

Amr ‘Alaa: Are the sick people those who try to make peace, or those who go around carrying guns? Are you denying that you have a gun in your pocket?

Ayman Kandeel: Yes, I have a gun.

Amr ‘Alaa: Why? What are you afraid of?

Ayman Kandeel: I’ll tell you what I’m afraid of. Of some scumbag trying to attack me.

Amr ‘Alaa: What scumbag?

Ayman Kandeel: Any scumbag. A thief, a robber.

[…]

Iman Mubarak: We’re back with our guest, Egyptian actor Ayman Kandeel. Hello, once again.

Ayman Kandeel: May God grant us good fortune. There was a phone call, which everybody heard, in which it was claimed that this show is being aired on Israeli TV. It doesn’t matter to me what TV station this is, but I came to a show that is being filmed in Egypt, on a TV channel that you said was German…

Iman Mubarak: We never said that this was a German channel.

Ayman Kandeel: When the producer called me…

Iman Mubarak: I’m sure you didn’t hear it properly…

Ayman Kandeel: No, my hearing is just fine. You people deceive and lie…

Iman Mubarak: Sir, you cannot level such accusations against us. Sir, the reactions on Israeli social media pages…

Ayman Kandeel [losing his temper]: F$@# the social media pages! I cam to an interview on an Egyptian TV channel. Then it turns out that this is an Israeli TV channel, and you bring in someone who got on my nerves. He is standing right there, let’s see him come in and talk to me.

Amr ‘Alaa enters the studio

Amr ‘Alaa: This is my channel. I am never afraid. It is you who are afraid, and that is why you are carrying a gun.

Ayman Kandeel: I don’t have a gun.

Amr ‘Alaa: You don’t have a gun?!

Ayman Kandeel: In order to use my gun against you, I need to feel that you are worth something. But let me tell you what I can do. You stand right here. Relax.

Ayman Kandeel slaps Amr ‘Alaa and shoves him

You son-of-a-@$#! You’re making fun of me?

Ayman Kandeel slaps Iman Mubarak

You b#@ch! What, you sons-of-b#!@&$? To hell with #%$, you sons-of-b#!@&$!

You sons-of-b#!@&$!

Production member: Stop! We’re just kidding with you.

Ayman Kandeel: You say you are Egyptians?! Are you kidding me?! F%@$ you!

Production member: Ayman, please… It’s a prank. Shame on you for hitting a woman.

Production member: Get her a chair.

Ayman Kandeel is handed Iman Mubarak’s ID card

Ayman Kandeel: I can’t get it out…

Turns the card to the light and looks at it

She’s Egyptian?

Production member: Let’s have a round of applause, please.

You brought it upon yourself. Why did you fall so quickly?

Iman Mubarak: You hit me so hard.

Ayman Kandeel: It was just one slap.

Iman Mubarak: You see what can happen to the interviewer?

Amr ‘Alaa: People, let’s have a round of applause for Iman.

Ayman Kandeel [to Iman Mubarak]: After the show, come to my car with me. I’ll put some lotion on your back.

Iman Mubarak: I don’t want anything.

[…]

Iman Mubarak: Dear viewers, we’ll take a short break, before we return with [actress] Mayar Al-Beblawi.

[…]

Mayar Al-Beblawi: In that country [Israel], they are all liars. You wouldn’t believe it. They are real liars. They keep whining all the time about the Holocaust, or whatever it’s called. With all the Palestinians that you have killed, you are still whining about the Holocaust and its lousy figures?!

[…]

These people sawed off [the head] of John the Baptist. They are the slayers of the prophets, what else can we say about them?

Iman Mubarak: You’ve got it wrong, They are the Chosen People…

Mayar Al-Beblawi: The Chosen People?! Allah did not curse the worm and the moth as much as he cursed the Jews.

[…]

[The caller] said that this was an Israeli channel?!

Iman Mubarak: You are indeed on an Israeli channel. This is Channel 2 from Israel.

Mayar Al-Beblawi: No, I came for an interview with a German channel.

Iman Mubarak: No. The producer told you that this was an Israeli channel, and you agreed.

Amr ‘Alaa: There’s no problem. Let’s move on.

Mayar Al-Beblawi: What do you mean, “no problem”? What do you mean, “Let’s move on”?

Iman Mubarak: Let’s complete the interview.

Mayar Al-Beblawi: I’d like to know what channel this is.

Iman Mubarak: You knew right from the beginning that this was Channel 2… Shalom, shalom…

Mayar Al-Beblawi: You’re kidding me, right? I won’t allow something like this.

Iman Mubarak: Kidding? Why?

Mayar Al-Beblawi: No, I won’t allow it.

[…]

July 21, 2012 [via Youtube]

Actor Mahmoud Abd Al-Ghaffar: Who are you? Are you Egyptian, or what?

[shaking Amr ‘Alaa] What country are you from?

Amr ‘Alaa: Where I come from is not the issue. You were being interviewed, and I wasn’t talking to you. Let’s complete the interview.

Actor Mahmoud Abd Al-Ghaffar [attacking Amr ‘Alaa]: We’re completing nothing. Who are you? Who are you?

Iman Mubarak: Mahmoud… Mahmoud…

Mahmoud Abd Al-Ghaffar: You are a Jew!

Iman Mubarak: Mahmoud… Mahmoud…

Mahmoud Abd Al-Ghaffar: Mahmoud what?!

Iman Mubarak: Mahmoud, this is a candid camera show.

Mahmoud Abd Al-Ghaffar [pulling Amr ‘Alaa by the hair]: Who are you? Tell me who you are.

Iman Mubarak: Mahmoud, this is a candid camera show.

Applause

Iman Mubarak: Mahmoud, this is a candid camera show. We are all Egyptians. Long live Egypt! I’m an Egyptian – Iman Mubarak. This is Amr ‘Alaa, and this is Amr Sallah.

Mahmoud Abd Al-Ghaffar: You brought me someone who looks like a Jew…

Al-Ghaffar hugs Amr ‘Alaah

[to Iman Mubarak]: If you weren’t a girl, the moment you told me you were Jewish… I hate the Jews to death.