Tuesday, June 1, 2010

What Being A Muslim Martyr Gets You

If you become a Shaheed, a Martyr in Islam, these are your rewards:

The soul of the martyrs dwell in Paradise whenever they like.
The other times they live in Detroit, Newark, or any other Hellhole.

All the Shaheed’s sins and faults are forgiven with the first drop of blood that comes out of his body.

What happens if the first drop of blood cannot be determined?  The Shaheed only gets a partial pardon?

He sees his place in Paradise and Allah makes him intercede for 70 of his family.
But only 70.  The rest either must become martyrs or hope another family member does.

He will not feel the grave trial: Martyrs are the only people who are spared the grave trial.
But he will feel the agony of Traffic Court!

He will not feel the agony of death.
Since he is already dead, this isn't much of an issue.

He will not be horrified by the Great Gathering on the day of Resurrection.
So he is promised.  But Islam keeps forgetting that Jesus was Jewish.  Now how will HE feel about the crimes of the Shaheed...let us just say these will be very interesting and awkward moments.

He does not feel the pain of the killing except like that of a pinch.
I wonder if anyone has returned from the dead to confirm this?

He will receive 72 Virgins.
This is what really is awaiting him:

 72 Pistol Packing Holy Mamas!
Try arguing with them!

Oh yes, the new 9 Shaheeds the IDF created will have a wonderful afterlife.


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