What am I yelling about? Those horrible Christmas Carols!
No not the specials on TV this time of year (those are to be expected). I am yelling about the ones you hear in stores and malls. Those songs that are suppose to put one into a holiday mood.
Some idiot professor must have done a crazy study that suggested the playing of Christmas Carols non-stop increases sales. It doesn't you know. People are going to spend more this time of the year because of the holidays involve, not because of the music the store is playing.
So we are subjected to this:
Not bad, but when it is played over and over it can be maddening.
But then some store managers will think themselves hip and subject their shoppers to this tribute to spousal abuse and murder:
Or if he or she is really in a festive mood, we will subjected to this classic:
But Your Honor, it is NOT illegal to kill rodents. In fact many municipalities give rewards to those who do this job.
And in the spirit of fairness we then get assaulted with this:
If they are trying to appease Jewish shoppers, it ain't working. I feel like hitting the warpath by now.
This should appease Muslim shoppers and CAIR:
African-Americans will shop more when they hear this:
No matter what is playing over the loud speakers, it is annoying to say the least to the shoppers, and to those who have to work retail, there is a special place in Heaven for set aside just for them.
This year it has gotten so bad, that even the animals are revolting with a BAH HUMBUG!
So to appease every one's nerves, I submit the following song. It demonstrates the TRUE meaning of Christmas as celebrated here in the United States:
Note to myself: Do not kill the store manager over his or her choice of music. Find the person who came up with this idiotic idea and kill him or her instead!