Starting off with a classic Christmas Carol:
Jihad Bells in Bethlehem and global warming chills
Just when you thought you have seen every imaginable airport security:
|I wouldn't put it pass the TSA!|
Jingle Bells...Frank Sinatra
The reason Santa gets an escort from the IDF:
|Hamas in action!|
A "different" 12 days of Christmas: (Thank you Bob)
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Valley, Colorado
December 14, 2010
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
December 15, 2010
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
December 16, 2010
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.
December 17, 2010
Today the postman delivered 4 calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful but don't you think enough is enough. You're being too romantic.
December 18, 2010
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered 5 golden rings; one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
December 19, 2010
When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese a-laying on my front steps. So, you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
December 20, 2010
What's with you and those f$%#ing birds? 7 swans a-swimming. What kind of God damned joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house, and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop with those f$%#ing birds.
December 21, 2010
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a-milking, but they had to bring their God damned cows. There is s$%# all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smart ass.
December 22, 2010
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's 9 pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. They cows are getting upset, and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours,
December 23, 2010
You Rotten Prick,
Now there's 10 ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got the diarrhea. My living room is a river of s$%#. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you.
One who means it.
Miss Agnes McHolstein
December 24, 2010
What's with the 11 lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies. Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten, vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Law Offices Badger, Bender and Cahole
303 Knave Street
December 25, 2010
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total.
All correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.
With this letter please find attached warrant for your arrest.
Badger, Bender and Cahole
Pat Boone - Winter Wonderland
Hedging his bets:
|Doubt the beginnings of faith.|
Dean Martin - Let it Snow!
A simple Christmas wish:
|I hope he got his wish.|
Bing Crosby - White Christmas
I'm having a White Christmas since it has been snowing since Friday and won't stop until Monday. Lucky Me!
Hark the Herald Angels Sing - Mormon Tabernacle Choir
|We can take it off when Grandma leaves right?|
We Wish You a Merry Christmas- Enya