Explosion Blasts Las Vegas Hotel

In the spirit of Purim, enjoy:

From Israel National News

Purim Satire:
Explosion Blasts Las Vegas Hotel

Forty people were wounded this morning when an explosion rocked the Eden Palace Hotel in Las Vegas, just five hours after the Jewish Diaspora Legion (JDL) announced that it had purchased the state of Nevada and was declaring the establishment of a New State of Israel in Exile.

Capital of New Jewish State – Las Vegas

An Arab group calling itself, Liberators of Lands International Property of Palestine (LOLIPOP), claimed responsibility for the bombing, saying that Nevada had long been a homeland for the Palestinian people.

Bugsy (Benjamin) Siegel

Earlier in the day at the Eden Palace Hotel, with blow-up photographs of Meyer Lansky and Bugsy Siegel behind her on the podium, Reform rabbi, Jenny Larson, head of the JDL, explained that Las Vegas had been chosen as the capital of the new Jewish State because it had been founded by the two legendary Jewish gangsters. “In addition,” she said, “Nevada resembles the land of Israel in topography and weather, and we want to show that the Jews of the Diaspora can also make a miracle in the desert.”

Reform Rabbi Jenny Larson

Rabbi Larson, former spiritual leader of the “Do Your Own Thing Synagogue” in San Francisco, said that Diaspora Jews were fed up with the way things were being run in Israel, and wanted to create a New Israel where “a Jew could live safely without fear of Arab terrorists or religious coercion.” Her words were still ringing in the air, when, several hours later, a devastating blast rocked the foundations of the hotel. Nevada police detained seven hotel employees for questioning. Sources say that the suspects all look Mediterranean in appearance and were wearing Bin Laden t-shirts.

A spokesman for LOLIPOP explained that when Joshua and the Jews conquered the land of Israel 3000 years ago, the original Palestinian residents were scattered around the globe. “The American Indians are a branch of the Palestinian people,” he claimed. “Therefore, the state of Nevada is ours.”

Early American Palestinians

Wealthy Jews from across America put up the funds to buy Nevada from the United States Government. The 100 billion dollar transaction has been seen as a godsend for America’s ailing economy, saving the country’s collapsing financial institutions. The foundation of the New State of Israel in Exile has also been seen by President Obama as the ideal solution to the “Israeli problem,” as it is hoped that the new Jewish entity in Nevada, with its good weather, gambling, golf courses, and desert landscapes, would eventually attract all of the Jews in Israel, leaving Eretz Yisrael for the Arabs.

Typical Religious Reservation

Rabbi Larson describes the already embattled new state as a “utopia” where all Jews will be able to “do their own thing.” Orthodox Jews will be segregated onto religious reservations, “where they will be free to live in their own primitive way without intruding on the rights of the rest of us,” she added. A plan is underway to purchase the holy Western Wall and transform its stones from Jerusalem to Las Vegas.

However, as the smoke still hasn’t settled from today’s tragic hotel bombing, the future looks uncertain for the New Jewish State. “Nevada belongs to the Palestinians,” the LOLIPOP spokesman insists. “We will not give up our justified armed struggle until we free all of our ancient homeland.”

I do hope that you weren't offended or scared by the headline. Remembering that today is Purim, all things are to be taken with a grain of salt.

HAPPY PURIM!