Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Amazing Saga of Dr Frankenshu and the Solyndra Monster

Gary Fouse

(Dept. of Energy in background)

Once upon a time, there was a renowned physicist in California named Dr Frankenchu. He lived quietly and worked every day in his laboratory experimenting on exciting things like cooling and trapping atoms with  laser beams.

He was also a science professor at the famous University of California at Berkeley teaching the next generation of scientists.

Then one day, his life changed forever as he learned that he had inherited a huge castle in Washington DC called the Department of Energy.

Relocating to Washington and taking over the castle, he was even furnished with his own lab, as well as a staff of assistants including a mysterious man named Steve Spinner, nicknamed Igor.

One day, Igor suggested to Dr Frankenchu that they collaborate together in their lab to create a monster. Dr Frankenchu was intrigued. He didn't quite know how to go about it.

But Igor had connections in very high places.....

He knew the emperor.

And the emperor liked the idea. Besides, he owed Igor a favor.

The next thing Dr Frankenchu knew, he had tons of money to finance his monster. Five hundred and thirty five million dollars, in fact. All he had to do was spend it.

When Dr Frankenchu asked Igor where all that money came from, Igor responded, "Don't worry about it."

Yet, there were others in the castle who had grave doubts about this monster. "It is dangerous", they said. "Don't do this", they warned.

Poor Dr Frankenchu didn't know what to do. He was torn. After all, he was just a simple scientist who only wanted to work in his lab. What did he know about running  a castle?

But Igor kept up the pressure.

"The emperor wants this done", he insisted. Furthermore, the vice-emperor was willing to come to the lab himself and witness the creation of the monster-even give a speech, according to Igor.

"That's a big fu----' deal."

Meanwhile, preliminary studies were anything but encouraging. It just didn't look like this monster was going to be able to get off the ground.

In the end, however, the generous financial support from the emperor carried the day. The monster was created!

"It's alive!!!

"What shall we call it?" asked Dr Frankenchu.

Igor replied, "Let's call it SOLYNDRA."

"I shall be famous," cried Dr Frankenchu. "I will receive international
acclaim. My name will be in all the newspapers of the land. A Nobel Prize. I will be invited to testify before Congress."

"Surely, you will," replied Igor.

So was born Solyndra, thanks to the work of Dr Frankenchu.

Soon, however, things began to go wrong. The monster known as Solyndra left the laboratory. Soon people began to disappear. In fact, over 1,100 people in all disappeared, as did the monster known as Solyndra. His dead body was eventually discovered in a place called Fremont, California, but the damage was done.

What happened? Soon investigators and a few folks in the media (not that many) began to ask questions of Dr Frankenchu.

Gradually, the townspeople learned of what was going on in that castle known as the Department of Energy, and they became angry.

They wanted answers. How could this happen? They turned to the emperor.

The emperor refused to accept responsibility. The monster was dead. It was time to move on.

It was left to poor Dr Frankenchu to shoulder the blame and be left holding the bag.
Dear Reader,

At this point, all that is left is the epilogue to this scary story. Will the malefactors be brought to justice? For that, you will have to await the sequel. Stay tuned.