It is nice to see Great Britain becoming a Third World nation. People defecating and urinating into holes in the ground. Imagine the sight (let alone the smell) when one misses their mark and does their business on the floor instead. Or what happens when one steps in the mess. I could go on with the descriptions, but why bother. I am sure you get the idea.
Thanks to the efforts of pioneers like the legendary Thomas Crapper, we have long since led the world in comfort and hygiene.
Now, however, that could be about to change.
For most of us, the squat toilet is nothing more than a staple of horror stories about old-fashioned French service stations or the exploits of adventurous backpackers in far-flung parts of India.
But this basic form of plumbing, also known as a Turkish toilet or Nile pan, could be coming to a shopping centre near you - and all in the name of cultural sensitivity.
From next week, shoppers in Rochdale who push open the cubicle door expecting the reassuring sight of a modern, clean lavatory could instead be faced with little more than a hole in the ground.
Bosses of the Greater Manchester town's Exchange mall have installed two as part of an upgrade costing several thousand pounds after attending a cultural awareness course run by a local Muslim community activist.
A familiar sight in parts of the Middle East, and still sometimes seen in France and Italy, the toilets require users to squat above them, rather than sitting.
With one in ten of Rochdale's population of Pakistani or Bangladeshi origin, center managers say they have been told some members of the local Asian community prefer them for cultural reasons.
The town hit the headlines during this year's General Election campaign when pensioner Gillian Duffy was dismissed by Gordon Brown as a 'bigoted woman' when she voiced concern about immigration.
News of the introduction of squat toilets was met by disbelief, however.
'This strikes me as a classic case of excessive pandering to a politically correct minority,' said Philip Davies, Conservative MP for Shipley.
'We in Britain are rightly proud of our toilets, and the onus is on people who come to this country to appreciate them for what they are.
'It's absolutely ludicrous - Thomas Crapper would be turning in his grave!'
The Exchange shopping centre is in the process of refurbishing its ladies' and gents' toilets, and the changes were made after managers went on a cultural training course.
I would like to know what idiot on the Board of Health in Greater Manchester thinks that this is good sanitation?
I expect that idiot cities like Dearbourn, San Francisco, and Seattle will be installing these in all their public buildings. In fact, I expect that in order to please Muslims in the US, these will be placed in all federal buildings while the good old-fashioned flushing toilet will be removed (to reduce water consumption). Heck, take out the toilets at the airports and install these instead.
A sound soon to be forgotten.