What Happens When A Fly Falls Into A Cup Of Coffee At A Coffee Shop?

Stolen From Bare Naked Islam

The Italian throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.

The German carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.

The Frenchman takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.

The Chinese swats the fly and throws away the coffee.

The Russian drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.

The Israeli sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

The Palestinian blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.

Would Jew Believe This?

A young boy returned home from Hebrew school, washed his hands and sat down to dinner.

His father asked him what he learned that day in school.

The boy replied that the Rabbi told his class the most amazing story of how the Jews were rescued from the Land of Egypt and brought to the Land of Israel.

His father smiled and asked his son to relate the story the Rabbi told them.

"Sure Dad," the boy said.  "Now this story happened a long time ago, before the time of CNN.  Before the time of computers, and cell phones.  Before even TV.  I think it was in the 1920s or so it happened.

"Egypt was ruled by this guy named Pharaoh.  I think it means "Nasty Egyptian". And we Jews were his slaves. We didn't like being slaves and prayed to G-d to set us free. G-d heard our prayers and sent us a miracle.

"G-d  sent the IDF back in time to rescue the Children of Israel (I think they rescued the parents too.).  The Commandos diverted the Egyptian Army while the Children and their parents fled to the Red Sea (It was red because G-d turned the water to blood like in Zombie Killers 3.).  There the IDF built Pontoon bridges across the Red Sea for the people to go across.  When the Egypt Army tried to follow, the IDF blew up the bridges.

"Then this guy named Moshe Dayan (He is the head of the IDF, I think. Rabbi said he was G-d's greatest profits.) lead the Children of Israel (and their parents) to Mount Sinai where Moshe lays down the law, destroys the Golden Calf and leads them to Israel.

"But it took them 40 years because nobody had a GPS and Moshe would not ask for directions."

His father had a look upon his face that was a cross between total astonishment and WTF.  "Is this what the Rabbi taught you?"

"No Dad,"  the boy said.  "But you wouldn't believe the crazy story he did tell."

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Actually I'm not sure that is not the correct story.  It could be giving that a certain Time Lord, his TARDIS and a few units of the IDF could have pulled it off.

Passover Rhapsody - A Jewish Rock Opera


Click here if the video fails to load.

But perhaps G-d did it this way:

From Chabad

After many decades of slavery to the Egyptian pharaohs, during which time the Israelites were subjected to backbreaking labor and unbearable horrors, G‑d saw the people's distress and sent Moses to Pharaoh with a message: "Send forth My people, so that they may serve Me." But despite numerous warnings, Pharaoh refused to heed G‑d's command. G‑d then sent upon Egypt ten devastating plagues, afflicting them and destroying everything from their livestock to their crops.

At the stroke of midnight of 15 Nissan in the year 2448 from creation (1313 BCE), G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the Children of Israel, "passing over" their homes-hence the name of the holiday. Pharaoh's resistance was broken, and he virtually chased his former slaves out of the land. The Israelites left in such a hurry, in fact, that the bread they baked as provisions for the way did not have time to rise. Six hundred thousand adult males, plus many more women and children, left Egypt on that day, and began the trek to Mount Sinai and their birth as G‑d's chosen people.

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Or maybe not.  Any way that G-d performed the miracle of the Passover was the correct story. 

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!

There is a killer in every home.  A silent killer that we believe is useful to our lives.  But it kills millions each year and we are powerless to stop it.  It is instrumental in industry, government, education.  It is a friend of liberals, a tool of conservatives and will aid both.

Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is a colorless and odorless chemical compound, also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid. Its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters. The atomic components of DHMO are found in a number of caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol.

Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:

• Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
• Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
• Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
• DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
• Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
• Contributes to soil erosion.
• Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
• Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
• Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
• Found in biopsies of per-cancerous tumors and lesions.
• Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.
• Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans and other areas of the southeastern U.S.
• Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

The uses of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:

• as an industrial solvent and coolant,
• in nuclear power plants,
• by the U.S. Navy in the propulsion systems of some older vessels,
• by elite athletes to improve performance,
• in the production of Styrofoam,
• in biological and chemical weapons manufacture,
• in the development of genetically engineering crops and animals,
• as a spray-on fire suppressant and retardant,
• in so-called "family planning" or "reproductive health" clinics,
• as a major ingredient in many home-brewed bombs,
• as a byproduct of hydrocarbon combustion in furnaces and air conditioning compressor operation,
• in cult rituals,
• by the Church of Scientology on their members and their members' families (although surprisingly, many members recently have contacted DHMO.org to vehemently deny such use),
• by both the KKK and the NAACP during rallies and marches,
• by members of Congress who are under investigation for financial corruption and inappropriate IM behavior,
• by kids who play Beyblades,
• by the clientele at a number of bath houses in New York City and San Francisco,
• historically, in Hitler's death camps in Nazi Germany, and in prisons in Turkey, Serbia, Croatia, Libya, Iraq and Iran,
• in World War II prison camps in Japan, and in prisons in China, for various forms of torture,
• during many recent religious and ethnic wars in the Middle East,
• by many terrorist organizations including al Qaeda,
• in community swimming pools to maintain chemical balance,
• in day care centers, purportedly for sanitary purposes,
• by software engineers, including those producing DICOM software and other DICOM software tools,
• by popular computer science professors,
• by the semi-divine King Bhumibol of Thailand and his many devoted young working girls in Bangkok,
• by the British Chiropractic Association and the purveyors of the bogus treatments that the BCA promotes,
• by commodities giant Trafigura in their well-publicized and widely-known toxic-waste dumping activities in Ivory Coast,
• in animal research laboratories,
• in pesticide production and distribution.

And it is very essential in the manufacture of nuclear weapons.

You can discover more about Dihydrogen Monoxide here.

It is time that we ban the use of this dangerous compound from our children.  We need to protect our children from this killer.  Call your Congressman, Senator, President Obama.  Tell them that we need to ban Dihydrogen Monoxide from our homes, schools, and nation.  We need to do it now!

So Much for Foraging...

We are still having bitterly cold weather.  Snow is expected tonight, Saturday and Sunday.  This little fella must not only be hungry but cold.

Humor For A Sunday Morning

By James Shott of Observations

An Italian Golfer

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'how do you stay in suchgreat physical condition?'

I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'

"'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more toit. How old was your Father when he died?'

'Who said my Father's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer. 'In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my Nono's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

'No, Nono couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'

'Who said he wanted to?'

An Honest BDS Activist

Hat tip to Elder of Ziyon

Please remember this is satire!

Honest BDS Activist Lives Off Grid, Forages, Avoids Medicine

If you see a BDS activist using one of these, gently highlight the hypocrisy.

Somewhere near Beach Lake, Pennsylvania, February 15 – Oscar Thorpe is a rare specimen indeed: a political activist who completely practices what he preaches. In his case, his adherence to the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions movement against Israel has led him to renounce all computer and telecommunications technology and advanced medical care.

Unlike the leaders of the BDS movement, the 42-year-old former marketing consultant does not own a mobile device, as the technology necessary to manufacture and use one depends heavily on Israeli-engineered or Israeli-produced components. The same holds true for a computer of any sort, which Thorpe cannot use because he would have to connect it to a power source, and the power company employs Israeli computing technology to deliver its product to customers.

“I used to own a Tandy, which would be great for my purposes, since it uses nothing Israeli,” said Thorpe. “But it’s both obsolete and kind of useless for trying to stay in contact.”

In contrast, Omar Barghouti, a leader of the BDS movement, earned his philosophy degree at none other than Tel Aviv University. Thorpe disdainfully points out that Barghouti specifically studied ethics.
Unable to maintain consistent communications with his colleagues in the BDS movement, Thorpe found out only this week about the international scuffle over Scarlett Johansson, Oxfam, and SodaStream, but was unable to fully grasp the details, since he has no idea what SodaStream means or who the actress is. He heard mention of the news item on his old transistor radio, which can be used and powered by Blessedly Israel-free AA batteries.

“I haven’t seen the inside of a movie theater since, oh, maybe 2001,” said Thorpe. “I know what Oxfam is because they’ve been around a long time and I’ve heard of them, but ‘Scarlett Johansson’ to me is just a name. What is she, Swedish?” he wondered, unaware of Ms. Johansson’s Jewish American status. Thorpe could find out more, but the public libraries in the area – in both nearby Honesdale and slightly more distant Hawley – make heavy use of Israeli technology in the computers that manage their collections.

The New Hampshire native has fashioned a serviceable crossbow that he uses to hunt rabbit, deer, and other game, and lives in an abandoned stone hut overlooking a man-made lake. “I used to go fishing there, but then I found out there’s a Zionist summer camp on the other side, I couldn’t in good conscience benefit from their maintenance of the lake,” he explained, referring to Camp Moshava, which is run by the Tel-Aviv-headquartered religious Zionist youth movement Bnei Akiva.

Despite the hardships, Thorpe eschews all medical care except for basic first aid, since Israeli pharmaceutical companies produce vast amounts of the generic drugs employed by hospitals and health clinics all over the world. “Simply making an appointment to go see a doctor would mean endorsing their use of Israeli technology in the clinic management software, or the hardware in the terminals themselves,” said Thorpe. “And forget about all the imaging technology to detect abnormalities or growths.”

Thorpe hopes his principled stand will inspire others to be more consistent in their activism. “There’s nothing I’d like to see more than all my fellow BDS advocates dying of some treatable disease,” said Thorpe.

Go Ahead, Make My Boycott!

From Aish.com

In December 2013, the American Studies Association jumped on the “I wanna be politically correct and boycott Israel, too!” bandwagon and voted to shun any involvement with Israeli universities, claiming denial of human and academic rights to Palestinians. With their announcement, this previously obscure and odious little group gained instant notoriety.

This “me-too!” anti-Israel virus is really getting tiresome, and clearly the so-called “academics” calling for the boycotts are slacking off on their studies. Perhaps if they bone up on some reading material other than leftist anti-Israel screeds they might stumble onto the information – readily available – that in “apartheid” Israel, Mais Ali-Salehm a female Muslim, was valedictorian in the most recent graduating class of the medical school of the Technion, Israel’s equivalent of MIT. They might have learned that a black Ethiopian immigrant named Yiyish Aynaw is the current Miss Israel. They might have discovered that a Druze, Colonel Rassan Alian, is currently the commander of the elite Golani Brigade of the IDF. They might have learned that Salim Joubran, a Palestinian, is a member of the Israeli Supreme Court. But why let facts get in the way when you are bathing in a soup of fabulously ignorant self-righteousness?

The ASA now joins their dirty hands with the Association for Asian American Studies (AAAS), which announced its boycott of Israel last April. And of course there is the endless parade of other boycotts among celebrities, those paragons of knowledge and sophistication, and various other groups, against Israeli sporting events, performers, and products.

I say to all these boycotters: Go ahead, make our day. Just be consistent and boycott everything that comes from the tiny Jewish state. This promises to make the next conference of the ASA or the AAAS a tad more challenging when they discuss such pressing academic topics as Tattoos in American Popular Culture (Pitzer College), Lady Gaga and the Sociology of Fame, (University of South Carolina), Zombies in Popular Media (Columbia College, Chicago) and The Textual Appeal of Tupac Shakur (University of Washington).

Here’s a handy tip sheet for the next conference attendees:

1. Bring plenty of pens, pencils and notebooks – the old fashioned kind. No lap top computers and no cell phones allowed. After all, the Intel microchip processor, network firewalls, Microsoft NT and XP, keyboards for smart phones, flash drives, the ability to print straight from a computer, and much of cell phone technology were all developed by the Zionist entity. But look at the bright side: you won’t have to remind people to silence their cell phones during presentations of such exciting academic papers as “Class and Gender Fault Lines within the Neo-Colonial White Male Establishment in the Occupy Movement.”
2. Leave your environmentally friendly ideals at home. The conference planners have no choice but to meet at a hotel whose grounds are lushly and wastefully watered by hoses. Drip irrigation, you see, was pioneered in Israel.
3. Tomato-intolerance will be a plus. Modern breeds of disease-resistant cherry tomatoes were developed in Israel’s greenhouses. Those greenhouses have also pioneered many varieties of organic farming. Would you like a side of pesticides with that?
4. Bring lots of books for your free time. Anyone trying to smuggle an Amazon Kindle to the conference will have it confiscated. Its Operating System is yet another Zionist conspiracy. And don’t even think about logging onto your Facebook account from the hotel’s business center; much of the Facebook software ecosystem was developed in Tel Aviv, the Silicon Valley of the Middle East. To help you whittle down your reading choices, omit Jewish authors. Voila! Your reading options have just gone on an extreme diet.
5. Allow plenty of time to get to your evening entertainments after each day’s panel discussions. “Waze,” a social GPS mapping app that specializes in real-time crowd-sourced traffic, was purchased by Google from an Israeli start-up for $1.1 billion. That’s billion with a “B.” But you won’t have your smart phones with you anyway, so never mind.

As conference attendees revisit life in the 1970s, I hope they recommit to their plans to maintain their boycott of everything made in Israel. But before they vote, they might want to consider the following:

1. Lots of antibiotics and other medicines are made by Teva, the largest manufacturer of generic pharmaceuticals in the world. Your insurance company may or may not cover more expensive name brand options. Try not to get sick anytime soon.
2. Zionist researchers are developing a wireless laser for dentists that promises to replace painful drilling when treating cavities. But let me be clear: If you like your dentist drill, you can keep your dentist drill!
3. When you get to be 50, doctors will suggest you have a not-so-fun procedure in which a small scope enters a very private place on your body. Boycotters of all-things-Israeli by all means should continue having the old-fashioned colonoscopies. The rest of us will happily swallow the PillCam, which takes pictures from inside the colon, eliminating the need for a dreaded colonoscopy. If you decide to upload these photos on Facebook, prepare to be unfriended by at least 400 people.
4. Cancer run in your family? Boycott Israel fans will have to wait for symptoms to arise, God forbid. Meanwhile, the early warning Na-Nose artificial nose, developed by those human rights abusers at the Technion, analyzes human breath to detect cancer, Alzheimer’s, and other diseases, while ImMucin, a vaccine now in clinical trials and made by an Israeli medical research company, shows promise in one day controlling cancer and tuberculosis. Like I said, try not to get sick.
5. If you were impressed by Google glass, wait till you get a load of this. The Israeli-created OrCam is selling out as fast as it can be manufactured because for the partially sighted, the device reads, identifies objects, personal products and money notes, with an intuitive user interface. Soon, it will be able to recognize faces and places, locate bus numbers and monitor traffic lights. Coming soon: a bionic eye that might reverse blindness.

Speaking of vision problems, it’s understandable that Israeli innovators are first tackling the problems of physical blindness. Research into the causes and cures for moral blindness are ongoing. I have every confidence that Israeli-based solutions are in the pipeline!

Never Mess With A Letter Carrier

In the Harry Potter series owls are the letter carriers of the Wizarding World.  So imagine what it is like to tease one.



Click here if the video fails to load.

Poor kitty!  That bird stole his mouse toy!

Monday!

Thanksgiving

Chanukah Day 2

By the President of the United States of America.

A Proclamation.

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty G-d. In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theater of military conflict; while that theater has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defense, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines,

as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom. No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High G-d, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign

lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Seal of the United

States to be affixed.

Done at the City of Washington, this Third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the Unites States the Eighty-eighth.

By the President: Abraham Lincoln

William H. Seward,
Secretary of State

Click here if video fails to load.

Thanksgiving has nothing to do with Pilgrims, Indians, or Turkeys.  Nor does it have anything to do with Football or Parades.  (Sorry Macy's.)  It has to do with a feast day, established by the government to thank G-d for the blessings that He has bestowed upon us.  And given enough time, the anti-Christian element of the atheist movement will get the idea of Thanksgiving out of the American lexicon.

This used to be a solemn holiday.  A day for the gathering of the family, Mother or Grandmother

would cook her best foods, serve the meal on her best china, and smile that her family would be enjoying a wonderful feast.

Today it is a day for watching football on the Big Screen TV, attempt to cook a turkey, and stand outside in all kinds of weather to get the best deals at midnight.

It is the celebration of the Maccabees saving the native population from the evil Pilgrims.  After a lengthy struggle, the Maccabees (and their native allies) were victorious and celebrated with an 8 day feast.



Click here if the video doesn't load.

Not exactly true, but it is a fun story to tell.

HAPPY THANKSGIVUKKAH!!!!!

15 Reasons Why Barack Obama Is The Greatest President In American History!

Stolen from Townhall.com

1) He's sending weapons to Libya to help repair America’s strained relationship with Al-Qaeda.

2) Parents all across the country can now point to Barack Obama's performance when they're explaining to their children why they shouldn't use drugs.

3) He won the Nobel Peace Prize. Hello!

4) Thanks to healthcare.gov, "New Coke" no longer has to bear the shame of being the worst product roll-out in American history.

5) Because of Obama, 91 million people without jobs now have plenty of time to spend with their family.

6) He extended childhood all the way up to 26 by allowing "children" to stay on their parents insurance until then.

7) He's kept goofy Uncle Joe Biden from becoming President for five long years.

8) No President in American history has done more to further gun sales than Barack Obama.

9) Without Barack Obama, none of us would have ever heard the name Sandra Fluke and what a tragedy that would be!

10) He has already broken Bill Clinton's record for the most lies told in one presidency with three years left to go in office.

11) When the SEALS asked for permission to kill Bin Laden, he didn't insist that they merely give Osama a good talking to instead.

12) He has worked tirelessly to know the American people better through invasive TSA searches, reading their emails, and listening in on their phone calls.

13) He's living proof that even a pothead who thinks there are 57 states can still live the American dream.

14) Because of Obama's economic policies, more Americans than ever have gotten to experience the sweet, sweet joy of funemployment!

15) Obama's policies are so bad that even real racists have stopped hating him for being black and hate him for his failed policies.

And Now A Bit From Dr. Seuss

Nuff said?

BOO!

The scariest kitty I could find!

Happy Halloween!

Another Animal Agent Caught

Once more the Muslim world has outsmarted Israel's Mossad.  Once more the Muslim world has caught another Mossad Animal Agent (MAA).  This time it is Eric the Eagle!

Hezbollah-affiliated Al-Manar TV has published images of an eagle, allegedly armed with spy equipment inscribed with the word "ISRAEL."

According to the report, the alleged spy-eagle was captured in the Lebanese town of Achkout by amateur hunters and had transmission equipment tied to its leg which indicated a connection to the Tel Aviv University.

The Nature and Parks Authority said that the eagle was born in a breeding and reacclimation center in southern Israel, and was released into the wild some two years ago.

According to the Al-Manar TV report, the eagle had an external transmitter attached to its body and another internal transmitter planted into its body. According to the Lebanese station, recruiting spies from the animal kingdom is a well-known Israeli practice. According to report, wiretapped fowl have in recent years been found in Saudi Arabia, Turkey and Egypt. Ynet has reported similar claims from Iran, in which 14 squirrels were arrested for spying, and Sudan.

Last September, the British Daily Mail reported that a white stork called Menes was caught in Qena, Egypt and held by authorities on suspicion of being used to spy for Israel, due to the tracking device attached to its leg.

At Ynet's request, the Nature and Parks Authority examined the number inscribed into the bird's tag. According to them, the captured raptor is a Bonelli's Eagle, one of Israel's rarest and endangered birds of prey.

According to Ohad Hatzofe, the authority's chief avian ecologist, the bird hatched in the Carmel Hai-Bar Nature Reserve during the spring of 2011 and was released from captivity into December of the same year.

"The specimen is carrying a tiny radio transmitter, and in the picture you can see its feathers have already begun to change, and it is possible he will start mating in 2014 the spring when he reaches sexually maturity."

Tagging birds is a common practice in ornithology as it helps scientists track bird migration routes.

Last June, Turkish authorities claimed to have "cleared a renegade bird captured in the Ağın district of the eastern province of Elazığ on suspicions of working for Israel's state-of-the-art intelligence agency," the Hurriyet newspaper reported.

According to the report by the Turkish newspaper, residents of Altınavya village became suspicious that the little kestrel could be more than a bird that lost its way when they found it wore a metallic ring stamped with the words "24311 Tel Avivunia Israel," and delivered it to the district governorate.

SOURCE

Eric the Eagle will join the honored ranks of Mossad Animal Agents that have been caught.  14 beloved squirrels, Vinnie the Vulture, Moshe the Monkey, Chava the Crocodile, and the entire animal population of the Cairo zoo.

Where Would You Like To Live?

Hat Tip to Crusader Rabbit

You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would be called “mentally unstable.” Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:

In Arizona, he’d be called “an avid gun collector.”

In Arkansas, he’d be called “a novice gun collector.”

In Utah, he’d be called “moderately well prepared,” but they’d probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.

In Texas and Montana, he’d be called “The neighborhood ‘Go-To’ guy.”

In Alabama, he’d be called “a likely gubernatorial candidate.”

In Georgia, he’d be called “an eligible bachelor.”

In North Carolina, Louisiana ,Tennessee and South Carolina he would be called “a deer hunting buddy.”

And, in Mississippi his Church would take up a collection to help out a brother in such short supply.

Israelis Move To Shelters As Iranian Attack Nears.

Hat Tip to Israel Matzav

Israelis built makeshift shelters on balconies across the country in preparation for Iranian nuclear attack. Experts said the “God Pods” would provide little protection

I do hope that this is satire, but knowing the Muslim mind....

(Jerusalem, September 19) As if sensing an imminent Iranian missile attack, Israelis moved en masse into makeshift shelters on Wednesday night, prompting diplomats and international news organizations to predict that a strike against Tehran’s fast-developing nuclear industry was imminent.

There was no official announcement, but millions of Israeli citizens made the move on Wednesday, perhaps as the result of a coded message issued by the government and unintelligible to foreigners.

Foreign media have predicted an imminent Israeli attack on Iran at least 26 times in the past five years. They live in hope.

The shelters, visible at homes across Israel, seemed to provide scant protection. Most were hurriedly constructed from wooden boards and roofed with tree branches. Some were lavishly decorated inside, while others remained bare.

The bizarre architecture seems to be based not on modern defense technology but on traditional religious plans for protective booths dating back to the early rabbis.

The shelters were soon dubbed “God Pods” by foreign media analysts.

Israelis were also laying in stocks of citrus fruit, palm branches and other natural vegetation that are believed to have medicinal properties in the event of an attack.

But experts said the God Pods would be “useless” against most modern weapons, even if fired by Iranians.

From September 18 to 25 Jews around the world celebrate the holiday of Sukkot.  During this holiday Jews eat inside "booths" made from PVC pipe, cloth, boards and a roof made of palm fronds.

 

Not a very sturdy shelter but a great God box for He resides in every one of them.

Sukkot Reposted

I originally posted this in 2009.  Instead of writing a new post I submit this for your enjoyment.

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Sukkot or the Festival of Tabernacles begins 5 days after Yom Kippur. The holiday lasts for 7 days, and is immediately followed by another festive day known as Shemini Atzeret. The word Sukkot is the plural of the Hebrew word sukkah, meaning booth or hut. The sukkah is reminiscent of the type of the fragile dwellings in which the ancient Israelites dwelt during their 40 years of wandering in the desert after the Exodus from Egypt. Throughout the holiday the sukkah becomes the living area of the house, and all meals are eaten in it. On each day of the holiday, members of the household recite a blessing over the lulav and etrog, or Four species.

Sukkot was agricultural in origin. This is evident from the biblical name "The Feast of Ingathering," from the ceremonies accompanying it, from the season – “The festival of the seventh month” – and occasion of its celebration: "At the end of the year when you gather in your labors out of the field" (Ex. 23:16); "after you have gathered in from your threshing-floor and from your winepress" (Deut. 16:13). It was a thanksgiving for the fruit harvest. Coming as it did at the completion of the harvest, Sukkot was regarded as a general thanksgiving for the bounty of nature in the year that had passed.

Sukkot became one of the most important feasts in Judaism, as indicated by its designation as “the Feast of the Lord” or simply “the Feast”. Perhaps because of its wide attendance, Sukkot became the appropriate time for important state ceremonies. Moses instructed the children of Israel to gather for a reading of the Law during Sukkot every seventh year (Deut. 31:10-11). King Solomon dedicated the Temple in Jerusalem on Sukkot (1 Kings 8; 2 Chron. 7). And Sukkot was the first sacred occasion observed after the resumption of sacrifices in Jerusalem after the Babylonian captivity (Ezra 3:2-4).

In Leviticus, God told Moses to command the people: “On the first day you shall take the product of hadar trees, branches of palm trees, boughs of leafy trees, and willows of the brook” (Lev. 23:40), and “You shall live in booths seven days; all citizens in Israel shall live in booths, in order that future generations may know that I made the Israelite people live in booths when I brought them out of the land of Egypt” (Lev. 23:42-43). In the time of Nehemiah, after the Babylonian captivity, the Israelites celebrated Sukkot by making and dwelling in booths, a practice of which Nehemiah reports: “the Israelites had not done so from the days of Joshua” (Neh. 8:13-17).

Observance of Sukkot is detailed in Mishnah (Sukkah 1:1–5:8); Tosefta (Sukkah 1:1–4:28); Jerusalem Talmud (Sukkah 1a); and Babylonian Talmud (Sukkah 2a–56b).

According to halakha, one must eat major meals and sleep in a Sukka (a hut with an open roof). In the case of rain eating and sleeping are not a requirement. The Four species must be waved.



The holiday immediately following Sukkot is known as Shemini Atzeret. Shemini Atzeret is viewed as a separate holiday. In the diaspora, a second additional holiday, Simchat Torah is celebrated. In the Land of Israel, Simchat Torah is celebrated on Shemini Atzeret. On Shemini Atzeret the sukkah is left and meals are eaten inside the house. Outside of Israel, many eat in the sukkah without making the blessing. The sukkah is not used on Simchat Torah.

Now imagine trying to explain the building of a sukkah to your landlord or local building authority. A hut with 4 walls and a roof with big holes in it. Could lead to some interesting civil discussions.

Or you have a father who cannot hammer 2 boards together, and yet insists on designing and building a sukkah (We've destroyed those pictures for the sake of family honor). Needless to say I learned some new words on those days.

I do love this holiday (one of 3 mandated in the bible).

So have a safe Sukkot! And remember that next year you can buy the pre-made Sukkah and avoid the embarrassment and laughter of your neighbors.

Rosh Hashanah Resolutions For The Entire World

From Aish.com some New Years Resolutions that the World has made.

Rosh Hashanah is not just the New Year for the Jewish people. It’s the New Year for the entire world. As a result, I, The World, have taken some time to reflect on the past year, and would like to improve myself, and make some resolutions for the year to come. So what follows are some of the Rosh Hashanah Resolutions that I made for myself – The Entire World.

I Will Not Call Hassan Rouhani a Moderate

This year, I promise not to pretend that Iran isn’t pursuing nuclear weapons. I resolve not to call the new Iranian President Hassan Rouhani a “moderate” because he only occasionally talks about destroying Israel as opposed to talking about it every time there’s a microphone in his face like the previous guy. You have to understand though – it’s really tempting. He looks so nice and he smiles a lot, and military intervention would create a spike in world oil prices…but I won’t do it. OK, I will try my best. Come on, I’m not Houdini.

I Will Increase Acts of Loving Kindness

The only way The World is going to get better is if we all pitch in and increase acts of loving kindness. That could mean giving charity, visiting the sick, helping a friend in need, anything really. And the most admirable acts of loving kindness are those we perform for perfect strangers or people we don’t even get along with. For example, who remembers Tony Hayward, former CEO of British Petroleum who presided over the world’s largest oil spill back in 2010 and said that the amount of oil was “relatively tiny” adding, “You know, I’d like my life back”? Well this year for Rosh Hashanah I am going to bake Tony a honey cake. And I won’t even make any jokes referencing the fact that I will be baking the cake with apple sauce instead of oil. I won’t do it. That’s just the kind of World that I am.

I Will Stop Saying the Settlements are the Main Obstacle to Middle East Peace

OK, let me get this straight: a Jewish Israeli – let’s call him Dudu, legally buys a plot of undeveloped desert land, makes a few trips to Home Depot, moves in with his wife and 4 year old twins Shirah and Shiya and he is the main obstacle to Middle East peace? Oh, and Dudu cannot legally buy a home in Saudi Arabia or Iran or most Arab countries, but an Arab citizen of let’s say Nazareth can purchase property anywhere he wants in Israel. Some explain this to me? You know, this resolution is similar to my “saving more money for retirement” resolution that I make every year. It’s so simple and it makes so much sense, yet I never do it.

I Will Try to Cut Down on the Extreme Weather

I know that the increased floods, heat spells, hurricanes and melting polar ice caps have been annoying. Trust me, I’ve gotten an ear full from every major insurance company – not to mention the Island Nation of Maldives who are predicted to be underwater in 50 years. Those guys are really not happy. But you people have to do your part too. Controlling the weather is not as easy as it looks, you know. It’s kind of an art, really, and carbon emissions are very distracting for me. They totally throw me off my game. They’re like giving Picasso a box of Crayons. So I’ll do what I can about the weather, but you have to pitch in. Just sayin.

I Will Invest in More Israeli Start-ups

In 2013 alone Intel bought Israeli start-up Omek for $50 Million AOL acquired Adapt.tv for $405 million, IBM bought Trusteer for nearly $1 Billion, Google bought Waze for $1.1 Billion and Warren Buffett bought out Iscar for another $2 Billion. This year I will definitely invest in more Israeli start-ups so next year I can start cruisin’ in my new private jet. Wait, that’s not good for my carbon emissions resolution is it? Whatever, private jets are awesome – it’s totally worth it.

I Will Not Name Any More Arab Uprisings after Pleasant Seasons

What in the name of Mecca is going on in Egypt and Syria? Flashback: Who remembers when the media was falling all over itself, praising these revolutions as the dawn of a new Middle Eastern civilization? Now I don’t want to say I told you so, because that’s not the type of World that I am, but I was always against naming this “movement” after one of Mother Nature’s most pleasant seasons. Don’t get me wrong, spring is a beautiful time when we take picnics and go on bike rides and eat salad. But spring doesn’t last forever. The next thing you know, it’s hot and humid and you are irritable and the homeless guy on the subway is sweating all over you. So basically what I am saying is that right now Egypt and Syria are a sweaty homeless man. Let’s all deal with him appropriately.

I Will Call My Bubbie More Often

Yes The World has a Bubbie. She likes phone calls just like your Bubbie and makes a killer noddle pudding. I do call her, but what can I say – The World is busy. I know Bubbie, that’s no excuse.

And Finally…Odds and Ends

This year I will stop:

…biting my nails
…eating red meat
…stalking people on Twitter
…and watching the Real Housewives of Orange County (such a guilty pleasure)

A great Kugel recipe:

Prep Time: 15 Minutes
Cook Time: 60 Minutes
Total Time: 75 Minutes
Servings: 15
Kosher Key: Dairy

You will need:

large pot, food processor or blender, 9x13 baking dish

Ingredients

1 cup raisins (optional)
12 oz wide egg noodles
6 large eggs
1 lb sour cream (2 cups)
8 oz cottage cheese (1 cup)
8 oz cream cheese, softened (1 cup)
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
1/4 tsp salt
Cinnamon and sugar for dusting
Nonstick cooking oil spray

Place a rack in the middle of your oven and preheat to 350 degrees F. Cover the raisins with hot water and let them soak to plump while you prepare the other ingredients.

Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add the noodles to the pot, bring back to a boil, and let them cook till tender (not overly soft), about 5 minutes. Drain and return the cooked noodles to the pot.

In a food processor or blender, mix together the eggs, sour cream, cottage cheese, cream cheese, sugar, melted butter, and salt.

Drain the raisins and pat dry. Stir them into the noodles.

Spray a 9x13 inch baking dish with nonstick cooking oil. Pour the noodle mixture into the dish.

Top the kugel by sprinkling generously with sugar and lightly with cinnamon. Alternatively, you can use your favorite kugel topping (streusel, crushed graham crackers, cornflakes, etc.).

Bake the kugel for about 60 minutes, turning once halfway through cooking, till the center of the kugel is set and the tips of the noodles turn golden brown. Remove from the oven.

Let the kugel rest for 15-20 minutes before slicing. Kugel can be served warm or cold.

 L'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem

May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year

Some Humor To Start Your Day

With all the tension in the world we sometimes forget to stop and laugh at life.

Here is a little ditty to put a smile on your face.

The Pussy Cat Song



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I hope you enjoyed this.

The Last One

About 2 months ago a call went out saying that Latma TV will cease if they cannot raise funds.  Unlike other so-called satire shows in Israel Latma was not financed by a network.

Sadly the funds did not materialize.  This is the last episode of The Tribal Update.


Best of the Tribal Update, part 2, with closing song 


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Maybe one day The Tribal Update will return, but not for a while.