How To Tell If Someone Is A Paultard (A Ron Paul Supporter)

I found this little ditty at Texas Fred's and decided to steal borrow it from him.  It is a very detailed way of describing a follower of Congressman Ron Paul.

THEY CAN’T SHUT UP.

Likes to brag about helping to raise millions of dollars for Ron Paul not realizing he would never be elected and after the impossible race was over, he would just use it for hookers and blow.

Have a glazed-over “thousand yard stare”.

Is on the internet 25 hours a day (ZOMG PARADOX).

Is a virgin who couldn’t get laid in Bangkok.

Can’t vote due to inmate status, lack of citizenship, or being sixteen years old.

Hasn’t showered in two weeks and smells like fritos and old ass nuggets.

Is still in high school, thinks he knows more about politics and economics than every other expert on Earth.

Can get away with comments that would seem absurdly anti-American if they came from any other kind of ‘tard.

Brags about how he knew nothing about politics and economics until Ron Paul came along, as though that’s supposed to get you to take them more seriously.

Thinks that YouTube is an academic source.

Lives in Montana, Wyoming, New Hampshire, or outside of the USA, where they can be found in the basement of their parent’s house.

Always bitching about the property taxes he doesn’t pay on the house he doesn’t own, even while attending public schools and riding on public streets.

Has at least 100 sockpuppet accounts on YouTube. Posts “9/11 was an inside job! VOTE RON PAUL!!11″ on random YouTube videos that have nothing to do with politics.

Believes that Digg is part of an anti-Paul conspiracy.

Cant get through reviewing the toaster he bought on amazon.com without mentioning VOTE RON PAUL 2012 over 9000 times.

Spends hours creating “Ron Paul Revolution” with the “evol” reversed and emphasized to spell out “Evolution” but fails to remember the senile coot doesn’t even believe in it.

Steals credit cards to contribute the monies to the campaign. Mistakenly assumes that you care about how much money Ron Paul has raised.

Will always refer to Ron Paul as “Dr. Ron Paul” (as if holding a medical degree somehow qualifies you to be the leader of the free world).

Hates Democrats.

Hates Republicans.

Hates You.

Enjoys slapping Ron Paul bumper stickers all over random vertical surfaces.

Lives in Europe, having no voting rights in the United States whatsoever, and only supports Ron Paul because they want the USA to GTFO of the rest of the world.

Claims to have read the Constitution but actually hasn’t.

Becomes emotionally distressed when someone says something remotely bad about “Dr. Paul”, resulting in incoherent shrieking about Neocons, liberals, the NWO, and the Federal Reserve.

Spouts conspiracy theories about just about everything.

Accuses the mainstream media of fixing polls because they’re “afraid of a Ron Paul presidency”.

Will accuse any detractor of hating the Constitution and hating liberty.

Finishes every statement with the words *IN LIBERTY*, ie: Can I get a Diet Coke? IN LIBERTY!

Believes that Ron Paul has a direct line that connects to the Founding Fathers, allowing him to understand the Constitution better than the Supreme Court.

Listens to the Hal Turner Show. Their best reason to vote for him: He hates Blacks.

Is actually a Ukrainian spambot.

Has a massive persecution complex and thus is a major attention whore.

Insults anyone who thinks Ron Paul isn’t Jesus.

Constantly mentions that Ron Paul has delivered over 9000 babies, as if pulling babies out of some lady’s vagina earns you the right to be president.

Is an automatic expert on every issue because of their support for “Dr. Paul”.

How do you know you’re in a room with a Paultard? He’ll tell you. Repeatedly.

Fail to realize that out in Realworldistan, no one gives a rat’s ass about their messiah.

Thought that by spending every free second of their day-to-day routine trolling Yahoo! Answers, Ron Paul’s fanbase would go from 3% of the populace to the 49% necessary to steal an election.

Refuses to acknowledge that much like how Ron Paul believes that 95% of Blacks are “criminals,” 95% of America does not know or care about who he is. ZOMG DID YOU HEAR OBAMA IS Black?????

Is easily trolled by talk-radio hosts and reduced to batshit crazy screaming like this loon.

Cannot haz cheezeburger.

Read the Protocols of the Elders of Zion over 9000 times, and tells you about it.

Believes Alex Jones and David Icke are Prophets.

Watched Zeitgeist – The Movie, Loose Change and The Matrix because these movies speak the Word of Truth, and makes sure that YOU know!

When you meet a Paultard do not distract them with facts, their minds cannot handle them.  Nor can they handle the fact that Ron Paul is not the Messiah, not G-d, never has introduced a bill in Congress and gets re-elected due to the fact the voters in his district are inbred morons.

I happen to know that the Elder of Ziyon has not yet written the Protocols and you can ask him directly here.  (I have a feeling the Elder is going to kill me for this.)

Remember to treat a Paultard with the contempt he or she deserves.  After all they aren't really sane people.  In many ways they remind me of Ross Perot supporters.  Those idiots gave us 2 terms of Bill Clinton.

You Might Be A Ron Paul Supporter If...

If you painted the name of a presidential candidate on your barn.

If your idea of fun is freezing your ass off waving signs with your friends.

If you think your grandpa would be rolling in his grave if he knew what was going on in America.

If tomorrow feels like Christmas because your package full of Ron Paul stickers and t-shirts is on it's way.

If you really honest to God feel good about what we are doing, win or lose.

If you have real difficulty deciding whether to pay the electric bill or donating to the next money bomb.

If you plastered your car with campaign bumper stickers rather than fixing the rust.

If you spit your coffee out of your nose when Ron Paul holds up a silver dollar to Ben Bernake.

If it looks like a truck full of campaign signs exploded on your lawn.

If your idea of new school clothes for your kids is a Ron Paul hoodie.

If you think there is no difference between Obama, Newt, Mitt, and Rick.

If you find your friends coming to you to ask for signs and bumper stickers.

If you know the difference between a million, a billion or a trillion.

If you and your friends are wondering how many more flyers your printer can possibly take before it explodes.

If you dream about new and exciting places to plaster that new roll of campaign stickers.

If you think Jesus might be really pissed at lots of so called Christians right about now.

If you know the difference between blowback and bull crap.

If you think bombs are better used for campaign donations than for blowing up bridges in other countries while ours fall apart at home.

If the FEC shows you as one of the biggest campaign contributors in your ZIP code, but with lots of small ones over time.

If you think the FED is making sure our dollars will be printed as toilet paper in the near future.

If you give campaign flyers along with the candy on Halloween.

If you know the difference between military spending and defense spending.

If your reading list has lately become filled with names like Rothbard, Rand, Hayek, Mises and Paul.

If you support our troops and want them to come home where we need them on our own borders.

If you aren't afraid to use your real name anymore when you comment on every article you can find on Google every day.

If you have found courage within yourself since you have awakened from your slumber and ignorance.

If you have decided to be a leader rather than a follower from now on.

If you know that no vote is thrown away, and that your vote is your voice, your choice, your line in the sand.

If you know that this is not just an election, that this is a movement for the long term, our evolution, our revolution.

If you have decided to write in your candidate of choice rather than give it to someone else or sit things out as your message to the machine.